Friday, October 2, 2009

Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord - Day ? -

My daughter produced the first grandchild in our family recently. Little Collier, of course, is absolutely beautiful but much to my daughter's consternation, the bebe' is having these fussy moments. Word on the baby street is that it is not good to let babies cry or fuss it out, so my daughter is looking for the solution to Collier's fussy moments so that he does not cry.

I think back on early mommy days and preschool days and the issue of crying. I, too, sought answers for crying babies and children. Kade had colic caused by a spastic reflux muscle in which he threw up everything he ate (seriously, projectile vomiting) and cried everyday the first three months of his life. I kid you not, every picture we have of him the first three months, he is crying. Nothing, absolutely nothing, helped to calm him. The only respite we received was that he slept from 9 at night to 9 in the morning. Then he cried from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. I tried everything anyone told me that might help the colic to no avail. So...he got to cry. Finally, at the end of his third month, his spastic muscle repaired itself and he was able to eat, keep it down, and smile. Happy days!

One of the earliest "tricks" you learn as a parent or teacher for toddler and preschool age children is how to avert crying. The child falls down and they look at you and gauge their response according to yours. If you race to them and are all "oh honey, did you hurt yourself?" and you get all emotional about it - so will they. However, a lot of times, if you matter of factly, walk over to them, pick them up and say "what a big boy or girl you are! You didn't even cry...." They don't. They dust themselves off and toddle or run off to play. Therefore, crying is averted.

Averting crying does not stop with the little ones. Our most basic instinct, I think, is to stop the hurting...to make it all better..."let mommy kiss it and make it better..." I know I am a fixer; my mom is a fixer; many of my friends are fixers. We want to stop the tears because tears are evidence of pain. If we can stop the tears, we can avert the pain. For the moment.

If you read through my blogs this past year, you will see I have shed some tears of anguish, pain, confusion, doubt, happiness - a myriad of emotions. You have read it through my blog but my friends and family have seen the tears and anguish and have tried to make it better each in their own special way. But sometimes, I just need to cry...to express my emotions... you know..."it's my party and I'll cry if I want to..." kind of thing. Scott, my guyfriend, said it best. "Jaye, I can't make it better for you - I wish I could. Sometimes we just need to cry, get the tears out, go to bed and face a new day." He is right. Sometimes, we just need a good ole Jewish cry fest - you know where you and your friends throw ashes on your faces, rip your clothes and all of you wail and cry together. Nobody needs to fix anything, just cry - lament with me. Take a moment to get a mental picture of that - kind of makes you laugh, huh? Next time I'm having one of those days, I having a "Wailing Party!" Seriously, I am going to do that.

Lamenting. Even though I do a pretty good job of getting my emotions out there, there is a part of me that feels guilty when I do. I mean, I am supposed to be this strong woman of faith in which "with God, nothing is impossible" according to my phone message and have made Jeremiah 29:11 my life mantra...so, if I lament to you about my situation, doesn't that decrease my faith walk with God? Not according to Michael Card, author of A SACRED SORROW. Michael has reminded me of all the biblical saints and disciples that have lamented before the Lord....David (the Psalms are full of lamenting)...Jeremiah...Job...Jesus. Michael reminded me also of the words of lament spoken..."where are you, God?"..."why are you hiding your face against me?" "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go eat worms..." OK that is not in the bible...LOL...but I am sure that is only a revised version on someone's lament - Jonah I'm thinking and I think I have spoken those words as well. So, if these great men of God and our Lord Jesus himself have spoken words of lament, has that lessened their faith in God or made Jesus less than he is? Not in the least.

Actually, lamenting our prayers of complaint can still be prayers of faith. How so? Because if I am griping, complaining, throwing my temper fits before the Lord, I am expressing the thought that there IS a God out there that hears me and "represents my last refusal to let go of the God who may seem to be absent - or worse - uncaring. Lamenting expresses one of the most intimate moments of faith - not a denial of it. It is supreme honesty before a God whom my faith tells me I can trust. God encourages me to bring everything as an act of worship, my disappointment, frustration, and even my anger. Lamenting uncovers a new kind of biblical faith that better understands God's heart as it is revealed through Jesus Christ." (Card, 2005)

So, I will continue my litanies of every emotion - hurt, anger, disappointment, jubilation, sadness, confusion...because...well, although YOU may get sick of hearing all my stuff, I think honesty before the Lord is truly a delight unto Him. Don't you think?

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