Previously on Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord - Day 14 - Concrete formulas and faith

Okay - actually this is previously, previously day 14 since I posted twice in one day!

Math is not my best subject. I'm not really sure why - I mean - isn't it just learning facts and formulas and applying them to equations and working it out? Pretty cut and dried you know. But I just find math very tedious and unless I am in it every day - I forget all those formulas. However, the one thing you can count on in math is that regardless whenever you return to it, the rules are still the same. 1 + 1 = 2. Everytime. No variations. No matter how you write it - up and down, across, switch the numbers - it is still two and always will be....

I am glad concrete mathematical concepts exist - even if I don't always understand them. I know those concepts bring order and keep things from being chaotic in a chaotic world. Concrete concepts create boundaries and make us feel safe. However a problem arises when we try to attach concreteness to God. Don't get me wrong - there are very concrete aspects of God and THAT makes me feel safe but sometimes concreteness doesn't work with God. How so?

Job's friends wanted to attach concrete mathematical concepts to Job.
Job's righteousness + God's love = God's blessings. But Job was righteous. God said so. Ok, so Job's sin + God's wrath = Job's punishment. But Job's slate was clean. Ok, so Job's sinful deeds + God's anger = Really bad consequences and hardship for Job. But Job had not committed sinful deeds. The equation isn't working. Shouldn't Job's blamelessness = God's blessings? Why was Job's life falling apart in spite of his righteousness before God? Why do bad things happen to good people who are trying to follow God and do what is right? Why does it seem the harder we work and try to be "good", the harder life gets? Because it is not about the blessings. It is about the relationship.

There was a time in my life when I raged before the Lord over my life falling apart - "God, I have gone to seminars, read books, done bible studies, listened to radio broadcasts, taught my children about you, served you in the church all these years and LOOK HOW YOU REPAY ME!!!" My marriage was eroding, my sons were rebelling - why? WHY? I screamed before God. "God, you aren't doing your part of the bargain." What bargain? Where in the bible does it say we will lead a blessed life if we follow the "rules"? God promises to never leave or forsake us; to bear the burden; walk with us in the valley of the shadow of death; to protect us; and the list goes on. But we are not promised a carefree, problem free life. In fact, it is almost a guarantee the life of the believer is going to be full of strife. As believers, we are walking in a world not meant for us. We walk against the tide - the flow of life, thus war erupts within our world. So why do it? Why walk intentionally in the warzone? Because of the relationship with God.

I thought I knew God before my life was interrupted with "relationship wars." If the war in my life had not broken out, I would have continued in my misguided concrete thinking that if you follow God's rules, life is good. I never would have had the opportunity to experience the goodness of God through some of the most horrendous moments of my life and come out knowing and believing: God is good. ALL the time, God is good. Even in the horrendous.

When God allowed Satan to test Job, God knew Job's heart and that Job did not love him (God) for the blessings, God knew Job loved him (God) for Who he is and would remain faithful through all of the trials in his (Job's) life.

I am not even a tiniest fraction close to the person Job was and I have certainly done my share of screaming, raging, complaining, griping, pitying myself, and rebelling at times BUT in spite of my temperfits and because of God's omniscient knowledge, he knew my heart and knew I would hold onto my faith through it all. It's been sketchy at times but never have I walked away and thrown in the towel.

You know my little project "Delight Yourself in the Lord" has and continues to be a great avenue of keeping me centered and focused on my walk with God. Each day is good because I have no concrete expectations other than to rest in the Lord and wait upon him and not stress. Interesting things have happened...

1) I am relaxed and happy.
2) I am not fighting against God. If the direction I have felt is led by God (substitute teaching), then He is going to provide the way. I am resting in that knowledge.
3) The best thing has been surprises and delights from the Lord. For instance, his very surprising provision this week. I have no clue if anyone reads this blog or not. If they do then they have an inkling of my circumstances. Regardless, someone felt the nudging of God to help me financially and deposited $500 in my account. I have no clue who it is. But what I do know is that it is a gift from God via someone whose heart was nudged. The money is great but the best part of the whole thing is knowing God ordained it. He knows and sees and hears my physical need and my heart need.
4) My substitute teaching calendar. I have consistently worked three to four days each week. Next week, I have two assignments and the assignments then thin out. I wait expectantly for God's appointments. Whatever it is will be perfect.
5) I don't think God intends for the government to be my "bail-out." I asked for help from them and received $60. I didn't ask for help from the Lord and received $500 anonymously. Think I'll stick with the Lord and forget SS. Much better deal.

What I know: 1 + 1 is always 2 and my obedience does not necessarily equal blessings, i.e. a happy life. However, God's love, care and concern, kindheartedness, and devotion to his child (that would be me) always equals his protection and provision.

Thanks God for being concrete in your character.