Monday, September 22, 2008

Princess Jaye has landed her freefall!

Just in case you are wondering how things are going....really great! Isn't that amazing? Well....not really....if you are used to trusting God and know about His amazing grace and love and provision and know all about it.

This is a new phase in my trust "test" with God. I have to say this is the most freeing and liberating experience I am living. I am not living in fear - did you know that there are 365 "Do Not Fears" in the bible? One for every day of the year to remind us....."Do Not Fear". Every night I thank God for His absolute provision and ask Him, "What is on the agenda for tomorrow?" We (Jesus and I) get up and do our thing for the day and I am developing this absolute, "Do not fear" attitude by trusting in the character of my Jesus, my Lord, My Jehovah Jireh, my Yahweh.

As I look at job possibilities I am gauging them according to, "Is this job going to draw me closer to ministry or draw me away?" I know that Jesus will tell me what to do and when to do it and where when the timing is right. I love knowing that I am in the palm of his hand and He has got me - so I guess I have to say that - Jesus caught me huh!
No longer am I free falling. I have safely landed in His hand and am waiting for the next move.......

I am working on the afterschool care program - please pray for favor with the school transportation department...
I will keep you posted!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The flying bee

What is my next step....well, I am working as a substitute teacher, working for my friends, and working on the after school care program. This decision is a day by day step of faith. Seriously. I feel very much at peace even if it doesn't make sense. I have prayed for God to open doors of ministry and I feel that He is and has. Right now I cannot be specific about that but trust me, He is opening doors.

If I step out and go get a job then I lose the time and freedom I have to pursue the ministry options. Believe me - this is a faith step.....I am seeking
God's wisdom on this. The beautiful thing about God - one of the many - is that He covers us in our faith and our mistakes. If I am making a mistake, He has got me covered and if I am on His path - I am covered.

I was reading a devotional book the other morning and came across a story about bees. Did you know that when little bees are in their first stage they are put in one of the little hexagonal spaces in the hive. Just enough honey is placed in there with them so that they will thrive and then a wax capsule seals the little bee in. The little bee thrives on the honey until it is time for them to emerge. The little bee has to wrestle its' way out of the wax enclosed space. Wrestling its' way out is essential for the bee for you see as it fights its way out of the hive, it rubs off the membrane that hides its wings. Without the fight, the little bee can't fly.
A story is told that once a moth got into a hive and ate away the wax enclosure and the little bees were freed without any strain or trouble - but they all died. Why? They didn't have a way of freeing their wings and the other bees stung them to death.

I look at my own life and see the times I have had to free myself from my hive. It is and has been really hard but you see, I have come out with a stronger faith in who my Lord Jesus is because I know the character of my Lord. And I can fly in my faith of my Lord.

Somedays I free fall and somedays I fly......whether I am free falling or flying, I am going to praise God for the "waxing" moments He allows me because for every waxing experience I wrestle through - I get to fly higher in my faith and in my love and trust of Jesus.

Jaye - the flying bee.....

Monday, September 15, 2008

Extra info I may have forgotten to mention...

One of my friends told me I might need to let you know one of the ways God prepared the way prior to my being fired from my job. Well, actually two things, you probably need to know ....
First, for those of you who may not know, I am going to school on-line with the University of Phoenix. I have been going to school since Sept. of 2006 and I have 8.....yes EIGHT more classes left and I will graduate with a bachelor's degree in Healthcare Services/Management. Since November, the classes have been really intense and I have been at the point I didn't know how I was going to manage to work full-time and do school. There have been some classes that I literally am on the computer 20+ hours a week on top of a full-time job. The living life backward thing - living the lifestyle (somewhat) of a 20 something college student was beginning to take its' toll......I have been at my wit's end how to manage time, work, school, having a life, etc.

About a month ago we put an ad in the paper to rent my condo. It rented out the first day. I have it rented through October. What a financial relief for me! Then - two weeks later I lose my job......double relief for me. What with the job tenure being about 6 weeks this summer, I have been in a bind. God provided relief.
Thank you Jesus!
I have more to say on that but I really need to sign off. So stay tuned and I will update you later.

"All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes." Romans 8:28. Really it is true......God is showing me everyday....

Can we just sit for awhile?

The other night I was talking with a friend of mine and we got on the subject of music. I was telling her how music has always been a form of therapy for me.

I took piano lessons from second grade until I graduated from high school....don't be getting all excited that you have undiscovered piano talent in the me......I am really not that good.....this white girl cannot play the new choruses and keep the beat....kind of like walking and chewing gum.....

now that is all cleared up - back to my main story.

ANYWAY......I used to come home from school all stressed out over some stupid high school thing that I can't even remember now and would sit down at the piano and play. I would start with classical music.....Beethovan was always a favorite....sometimes Bach and just play the heck out of the piano. As I played I would calm down and by the time I was done I was playing pop tunes and singing Barbara Streisand -(loved a Star is Born) music, love ballads, etc., - I would look at the clock and most times I had played for at least two hours! Gone were the days when I would sit at the piano and cry because I had to practice! - 30 min. - 15 spent crying and whining and 15 spent practicing....LOL

Then a few years later I discovered contemporary christian music and was fortunate enough to live in a place where GOOD christian radio was on all day - not just at midnight like back home on KOMA- a christian talk radio station you could get out of Oklahoma. (I did live on the plains of Texas)

Then came those days I stayed home and took care of the kids and they might be fussing and fighting - no - they were fussing and fighting and I could turn on christian radio and it seemed like within minutes the spirit of God lighted within our home and the kids calmed down and the atmosphere changed...and my attitude.....and my children were granted a reprieve.......and got to live....

Then there have been many times when the words to a christian song... me.....I would be listening to cassette tapes (back in the day) then CDs or the radio and the words to a song reached right down to the depths of my soul and the Holy Spirit ministered to me right where I needed at that moment. My spirit leapt within because I knew God was saying, "These words are for you Jaye." Like the song, "If I could just sit with you for a while". I'll share the chorus with you:

"If I could just sit with you awhile,
If you could just hold me
Nothing can touch me though I'm wounded though I die
If I could just sit with you awhile
I need you to hold me.
moment by moment til forever passes by.....

moment by moment til....forever passes by......"
written by Dennis Jernigan sung by Jami Smith.....

Is that not the most beautiful picture......Jesus, can I just sit with you awhile? Can we just go sit alongside the river and listen to the soothing sound of water rushing by......or on the mountainside and lay down side by side and stare at your heavens.....or out on the beach and dig our toes in the sand and let the waves wash over our feet......or Could you just hold me? I need you to hold me......we don't have to talk....can we just.... sit ....for a while.....

This is a beautiful, soulful song and I find strength in the vision of taking time to just sit with Jesus for awhile.....waiting on the next move..... waiting on His soft, still voice.....waiting and listening

Can we just sit for awhile in Jesus' presence?

think time with God

Some of my best "think" times occur while I am putting on makeup and doing my hair or cleaning or taking a road trip.....time when I can really reflect on what is going on and talk with God about it. this morning was one of those times.....

One of the things I think we want to do when the rug is pulled out from under us is go for the knee jerk, reflexive action and panic. I haven't felt the need to panic but I have felt guilty over, I guess, NOT panicking! Like, shouldn't I be going out and looking for a job - any old job- to tide me over until I find THE job? Well, it hasn't been working out to good for me to do that so I think I will listen to God this time and just .....wait. I have applied for substitute teaching and have a couple of assignments but - honestly - that will just pay a couple of bills and that is about it. Of course I have some hours with Donna and Dan's company but still...... somehow I think it the right thing to do so far....

Anyway my conversation with God went something like this:

Jaye: God, what should i do?
God: tell me Jaye, what is it that is making you scared?
Jaye: not being able to meet my expenses.
God: Jaye, if you were to lose everything, what would bother you most to lose?
Jaye: my bible -
God: Why? You have more than one and you could buy another one anyway.
Jaye: No! THAT bible is indispensable! You and I have traveled a lot of miles in that bible. I cannot replace the underlining and highlights that I have made as you have spoken to me through your word. And nothing can replace the tear stained pages with makeup smudges where I buried my face in your word and wept......and the times I have slept with that bible on my pillow and my hand on your word to assure me you were still there......and the delight I have enjoyed as I discovered new truths in THAT bible......No God - that bible is irreplaceable.
God: okay - what else would bother you?
Jaye: Kade's notebook/journal.....and my kid's pictures......and my books....
God: Yes, you are a lover of what else.....
Jaye: well, probably my diamond has special meaning to me.....and maybe the sterling silver necklace "Joy comes in the morning" given to me at Kade's funeral.
God: Anything else?
Jaye: (thinking for a moment) think that is it....
God: Are you sure?
Jaye: Yes.
God: You wouldn't be sad about the clothes and shoes?
Jaye: (smiling) Not as long as there is Kohl's, Payless, Macy's and sales!
God: Well, it seems to me that things that matter most to you have absolutely nothing to do with whether you have a paycheck coming in or not.
Jaye: are right.
God: So what does that say to you?
Jaye: that even if I lose "everything" I still have the things that are most important to me.
God: Jaye, do you really think I am going to leave you homeless and without anything?
Jaye: No, not really, because if you did then you would be a liar.
God: How so?
Jaye: Because you promise to take care of our every need. You care about the birds of the air and you know how many hairs are on my head - if you care about those minute details then you care about the big stuff - or what I see to be big stuff......and you tell us to trust you and try you and prove you and see if blessing upon blessing does not pour out on us.
God: Do you believe it?
Jaye: Yes I do.
God: You really do?
Jaye: Yes God I do.....

Then I realized what Peter must have felt like when Jesus approached him after Peter's denial......How can I not trust God when He has proved Himself faithful over and over in so many ways. My heart hurt at my lack of faith.

Lord, please forgive me for doubting you and being scared.....Jesus, please help me keep my eyes on you and not look to the right or left and help me be patient as you orchestrate a new level of faith....and.....PS.......just a quick reminder..... don't forget to catch me!

Just Jump

Hey all,

I have been reflecting on trusting God and talking to Him about how difficult it is sometimes when you can't see the way......and you are scared......and this word picture came to mind........

I remember standing in the pool, arms outstretched to my little babycakes and saying, "Come on baby, just jump! I am right here! I will catch you! Don't be scared...." and they would stand there, little legs shaking and wanting to jump so badly but they would say, "Mom, you are going to catch me?" "yes!" I would say, "Just jump!" "Mom, move closer - you are too far out!" "No I am not! If I get any closer you are going to hit your head on the side - Just Jump! I promise, promise I will catch you!" and then finally they would sort of jump-belly flop in the water and into my waiting arms. After they rubbed the water from their eyes and nose, they would break into these victorious grins and revel over their bravery. And I would say, "See that wasn't so bad! Look how brave and awesome you are!" And they would grin and say, "Let's do it again!" Then they would climb out of the pool, stand on the side, ready to try again. Their little legs might still tremble but not quite as much. They had made the plunge and Mom was there to catch them. True to her word.

I have to admit I would back up just a little so that they would have to jump a little further out but always, always, I was there to catch them. I would never let my babes stay under water......they may have gone under but they were never out of my reach. I always caught them up out of the water, laughing and hugging them to me.

But now, I think I am the little kid standing on the side of the pool and Jesus is standing there arms outstretched. "Trust me, Jaye. I know you can't see what I see but I am going to catch you. Trust me, keep your eyes on me, take this leap of faith and it is going to be okay."

"Jesus, come closer! I think you keep backing up and making me jump too far - I'm scared......" "If I come any closer, it won't even be a jump! come on Jaye just jump! I haven't ever dropped you yet, have I?" My legs are shaking and I want to jump but......."You are going to catch me?" I ask Him one more time. and then I squeeze my eyes shut .....and.....jump.....

I am still free falling and my stomach is rolling over and over but I am sure that My Father is there ready to catch me......if I, as a Mom am true to my word to catch my kids, is He not ever so much more faithful and true to His word to catch me?

Psalm 18:19 He brought me forth into a broad place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.

My hope and prayer is that He delights in me......
Jumping Princess Jaye

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

a a letter ....from the Princess

Thank you for the emails of encouragement.....thanks S. for praying for God to free up my time.....I think we have that one covered now....LOL and J., the dream you had of us going to Mexico and I was pregnant and no one knew who the father was.....that was a nightmare, girlfriend.....but thanks for encouraging me to Be Still and let God be God which absolutely has nothing to do with the Mexico dream....LOL over that as well.....thanks J2 for assuring me that God will meet my needs as He has met your family's consistently......thanks all of you for lifting me to the Father with my transitional saga drama life.....Cathy would you like for me to teach one of your classes on transition? I seem to be getting much experience....... Seriously....all of you....thank you for letting me be are my sisters.....

There are two phrases that we will never hear God say - "Man I didn't see that one coming!" and "Oh my gosh, what are we going to do!" Isn't that awesome to know! And I know the events of the past few days bears evidence of that fact.

1. First, two weeks ago, at my request, D. puts an ad in the paper to rent the condo. With my paycheck instability things have been interesting so renting the condo would help take off the strain. The first day the ad ran I received a call and rented the condo out immediately. It is rented through October.

2. Sunday afternoon M. calls me at the spa and asks me if I was interested in substitute teaching at the school because they desperately needed subs. Well, my hours were cut due to the slow season ( I think) and yeah that could be a great option.

3. Monday I am fired from my job.
4. Tuesday I fill out applications for the sub. teaching. I also get an email from a teacher friend asking me "had I thought about subbing?".
5. My ministry idea is to start an afterschool program. At first, I was thinking and providing a means of supporting myself but as I have researched the area and needs of our community, the idea has shifted and changed and grown and now my heart is truly burdened for the children in our community.

Working within the school environment will allow me to observe and see first hand the needs of children and get a better feel of how to establish the program. I get to meet teachers and administration and form relationships with children and parents and teachers, I crazy (you really don't have to answer that...LOL) or do you see the pattern I am seeing?

My heart is burdened for Pagosa. I want to make a difference in people's lives - not just the ones that I know and love at Centerpoint Church but in the community I really love. I want to step beyond the doors of my church and be Jesus with skin on to those outside my church.

My request for you to pray is that I very clearly hear God's voice and direction. Perhaps the afterschool program is what I am supposed to do and perhaps not. I just want to be about my Father's business and be in the center of His will. I know beyond a doubt that I am called into ministry - I am just looking for the place......

And one more thing.....

Being fired from my job is okay. You know why? I once again have the opportunity to smile and give testimony to those around me and say, "God is in control. He is sovereign. Whatever Satan means for evil God intends for good. All things work together for GOOD for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose."

As I have received calls from the spa offering their sympathy, I find myself telling them, "It is okay." and giving them assurance that it will all work out. I don't have to be fearful over my future. Once more I get to say, "Weeping may last for the night but joy comes in the morning. Let me tell you, Monday, I started on a new vase of tears BUT today is a brand new day and guess what? The Joy of the Lord is my strength.

The Princess

Princess Jaye and the illusive job......

One day God told Princess Jaye it was time to go back to Pagosa Springs because He had a job for her there. Princess Jaye went very happily back to Pagosa with happy hopes in her heart. She had a couple of options and chose the one she thought was the best but before too long discovered that perhaps she had jumped in the movie set of the Devil Wears Prada. So she quickly said, "enough of that" and moved on to the next job she thought was the dream job - insurance it was - oh but she was deceived - insurance was too boring for her creative mind and not long after she jumped into that job, her boss decided he really didn't have time or energy to invest in her and sent her on her merry way....hmmm what to do? Princess Jaye was upset but trusting in the Lord for her future of good plans she carried on each day happy in the Lord.

During the next few weeks, God continued to press on her heart ministry to the people in Pagosa but Princess Jaye did not see anyway of that happening and she began to panic. One day she happened upon a friend leaving a receptionist job at the beautiful hot springs resort in Pagosa! Without consulting her Father, she thought, "How about she take that job? How fun would that be? Working in a spa, getting facials and massages and being in the land of makeup and tanning beds, etc." Really fun! but alas Princess Jaye was way too honest and naive for the big bad owner of the spa and after six happy weeks on the job, Mr. Spa removed her from the schedule. Forever!

Princess Jaye was very angry and unhappy. She cried all day having the best pity party ever. She spent a great portion of the night planning her revenge. She would just tell that spoiled brat of a spa owner what she thought of him and then she would send him a little present of a pacifier, a pull-up and some colors and coloring book for the next time he had a little hissy fit. Feeling quite satisfied with her plan she fell asleep.

The next morning, she woke up still stewing over the situation but wait - what was that little voice in the back of her head??? Vengeance is mine says the Lord? But, but God.....I had such a good Mr. Spa has way more money that I ever thought about having and maybe revenge isn't the way to go.....Pagosa is small and I sure don't want to burn any bridges......

Uh what did you just say God? "I need to be about My Father's business?" "Well, yes God, I know that I have been praying about ministry and I have a really good idea but I am scared to step out and try it. I mean - how am I going to live? If I gave up the condo and my car, I could probably share the gazebo at town park with Chris the token homeless guy that really what I have to do......?????? And the river - honestly God do you KNOW how freezing could that thing would be to bath in? Oh yeah, you made it....... What?? Absolutely do not make another career move until I hear from You?.....O....Kaaay.....

You know God I really want to trust you but this is getting way , way too scarey. I have had so much change this summer that I can't even follow me. You did see my blogspot about my cheese being moved? You know the reason I named the blog "follow me fast" is because my life seems to change very fast and if you want to keep up you better move fast.....oh you know that.....what? say that again because I am not sure I heard you....

"For I know the plans I have for, plans not to harm you but to give you a future and a hope." And for now - that is all you need to know and trust and believe in.
Goodnight, Princess Jaye......God.

Jaye P.