I know I have already written once today but this is too hysterical to not share....
I make too much money. I'll continue when you pick yourself up off the floor and stop laughing. Okay, this is just brutal honesty here - not a plea for help, etc...just letting you know how our wonderful government works.
About a month ago I decided to cry uncle and go apply for food assistance aka food stamps during the recession in my life. Talk about swallow your pride. Man has my ego and pride taken a few dives. Okay, so I dredge up the courage to go to Social Services and apply. Well, I decided if I must go, I might as well try to look like something. No use trying to look like the dregs of the earth. Never being one to abandon class, I dressed like I was going to work in a Dallas office and walked into Social Services. (Actually, I was also dropping off substitute teacher resumes at the schools thus the true reason for dressing nicely.) Sauntering up to the counter I told the lady I would like to apply for food assistance. What I really wanted to say - in my best southern accent was, "I am havin' a really hard time maintainin' my style of livin' and surely would like some he-ulp." (gotta get the drawl in there) but I didn't think they would appreciate the humor so I didn't do it.
They give you a packet of papers to fill out at home and bring back - along with your bank statement, proof you pay rent, mortgage, electricity bill, car payment, etc. ...and there are also about 5 extra pages provided for you to list all 50 'leven dependents you might have. No, no, it's just me. There is a question also asking if you have insurance...no. I have lived longer without insurance than with it. Anyway, I checked the box saying I would like some. Well, the 50 'leven kids would be eligible but not the poor, white, single, struggling, "mature", college student!!! Never hurts to ask. LOL.
I brought the papers back to my next appointment and answered all kinds of questions from the social service lady. One of the things that showed up on my bank statement was a deposit I made from an anonymous person for $400. My other deposit was my 1st check in the amount of $258 from the children's ministry job I have. (I get another on the 15th of the month - a total of $516 a month.) That's it folks. That is my income for the month of September.
They want to know if you are looking for a job. Yes, I am substitute teaching. How much does it pay? $85 for a full day but varies according to the assignment...is it a teacher job or paraprofessional job? Is it a half-day or full-day? Secretarial? bus driver? cafeteria worker? I told the lady I don't know what the income will be because I don't know how many assignments I will get and I won't even get a check until the 25th of October. So, basically, all she has for guaranteed income is the church check - and potential income with teaching.
But the gift deposit threw her. I explained carefully that the money was a one time gift from an anonymous person and could not be counted as "income." (They did anyway.)
Okay, so, as I am leaving they give me a debit looking card that will be loaded with money (I use that term loosely) for food once the forms are processed. It took two days for that to happen. I had to "prove" my income from the church. How do you do that? I do children's ministry....Soc. Serv. has a copy of my paycheck stub...that is all the church has for my employment...how else do I prove I work there? I guess they finally took it.
I called the number on the card to find out if it was activated. Yeah, for $60. Hmmm, well, I guess if I go on a Ramen noodle diet with a few things tossed in, I should be able to make the food budget last. I couldn't believe it. All that paperwork for 60 bucks not too mention the humiliation? I called the lady. I was totally embarrassed to ask but I did. I asked her, "Is this all you get for the month or is it pro-rated since this is the midde of the month?" I am totally feeling like an ungrateful pig for even asking. She tells me it is pro-rated for the month. Hmmm.....so does that mean it will be $120 next month? Wishful thinking.
Here's the funny part - I get a letter from the State of Colorado telling me I have been approved for emergency assistance (Less than $100 in the bank and half the month left must indicate an emergency) but I had been denied for October because my income was above the qualifying level!!! Are ya kiddin' me? I called the Social Service lady up and flat out asked her, "Well, how poor do ya have to be to qualify?" Man, $516 income is hardly up there with quality living! Is it because I own a house and a new car? Dan's little slogan is starting to get a little close to home - you can live in your car but you can't drive your house. I told the lady you cannot base my income on substitute teaching. You don't know how much I am going to make and neither do I! It depends on how many sub jobs you get! But they are gauging my income on the potential - not the reality. this is unbelieveable!
Ask me if I want the government to provide me with healthcare...are you absolutely out of your ever lovin', pea-pickin' mind????? Not on your LIFE!
Stay tuned - I'll let you know how this goes...
LOLROTF (laughing out loud, rolling on the floor)
Friday, October 2, 2009
Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord - Day ? -
My daughter produced the first grandchild in our family recently. Little Collier, of course, is absolutely beautiful but much to my daughter's consternation, the bebe' is having these fussy moments. Word on the baby street is that it is not good to let babies cry or fuss it out, so my daughter is looking for the solution to Collier's fussy moments so that he does not cry.
I think back on early mommy days and preschool days and the issue of crying. I, too, sought answers for crying babies and children. Kade had colic caused by a spastic reflux muscle in which he threw up everything he ate (seriously, projectile vomiting) and cried everyday the first three months of his life. I kid you not, every picture we have of him the first three months, he is crying. Nothing, absolutely nothing, helped to calm him. The only respite we received was that he slept from 9 at night to 9 in the morning. Then he cried from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. I tried everything anyone told me that might help the colic to no avail. So...he got to cry. Finally, at the end of his third month, his spastic muscle repaired itself and he was able to eat, keep it down, and smile. Happy days!
One of the earliest "tricks" you learn as a parent or teacher for toddler and preschool age children is how to avert crying. The child falls down and they look at you and gauge their response according to yours. If you race to them and are all "oh honey, did you hurt yourself?" and you get all emotional about it - so will they. However, a lot of times, if you matter of factly, walk over to them, pick them up and say "what a big boy or girl you are! You didn't even cry...." They don't. They dust themselves off and toddle or run off to play. Therefore, crying is averted.
Averting crying does not stop with the little ones. Our most basic instinct, I think, is to stop the hurting...to make it all better..."let mommy kiss it and make it better..." I know I am a fixer; my mom is a fixer; many of my friends are fixers. We want to stop the tears because tears are evidence of pain. If we can stop the tears, we can avert the pain. For the moment.
If you read through my blogs this past year, you will see I have shed some tears of anguish, pain, confusion, doubt, happiness - a myriad of emotions. You have read it through my blog but my friends and family have seen the tears and anguish and have tried to make it better each in their own special way. But sometimes, I just need to cry...to express my emotions... you know..."it's my party and I'll cry if I want to..." kind of thing. Scott, my guyfriend, said it best. "Jaye, I can't make it better for you - I wish I could. Sometimes we just need to cry, get the tears out, go to bed and face a new day." He is right. Sometimes, we just need a good ole Jewish cry fest - you know where you and your friends throw ashes on your faces, rip your clothes and all of you wail and cry together. Nobody needs to fix anything, just cry - lament with me. Take a moment to get a mental picture of that - kind of makes you laugh, huh? Next time I'm having one of those days, I having a "Wailing Party!" Seriously, I am going to do that.
Lamenting. Even though I do a pretty good job of getting my emotions out there, there is a part of me that feels guilty when I do. I mean, I am supposed to be this strong woman of faith in which "with God, nothing is impossible" according to my phone message and have made Jeremiah 29:11 my life mantra...so, if I lament to you about my situation, doesn't that decrease my faith walk with God? Not according to Michael Card, author of A SACRED SORROW. Michael has reminded me of all the biblical saints and disciples that have lamented before the Lord....David (the Psalms are full of lamenting)...Jeremiah...Job...Jesus. Michael reminded me also of the words of lament spoken..."where are you, God?"..."why are you hiding your face against me?" "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go eat worms..." OK that is not in the bible...LOL...but I am sure that is only a revised version on someone's lament - Jonah I'm thinking and I think I have spoken those words as well. So, if these great men of God and our Lord Jesus himself have spoken words of lament, has that lessened their faith in God or made Jesus less than he is? Not in the least.
Actually, lamenting our prayers of complaint can still be prayers of faith. How so? Because if I am griping, complaining, throwing my temper fits before the Lord, I am expressing the thought that there IS a God out there that hears me and "represents my last refusal to let go of the God who may seem to be absent - or worse - uncaring. Lamenting expresses one of the most intimate moments of faith - not a denial of it. It is supreme honesty before a God whom my faith tells me I can trust. God encourages me to bring everything as an act of worship, my disappointment, frustration, and even my anger. Lamenting uncovers a new kind of biblical faith that better understands God's heart as it is revealed through Jesus Christ." (Card, 2005)
So, I will continue my litanies of every emotion - hurt, anger, disappointment, jubilation, sadness, confusion...because...well, although YOU may get sick of hearing all my stuff, I think honesty before the Lord is truly a delight unto Him. Don't you think?
I think back on early mommy days and preschool days and the issue of crying. I, too, sought answers for crying babies and children. Kade had colic caused by a spastic reflux muscle in which he threw up everything he ate (seriously, projectile vomiting) and cried everyday the first three months of his life. I kid you not, every picture we have of him the first three months, he is crying. Nothing, absolutely nothing, helped to calm him. The only respite we received was that he slept from 9 at night to 9 in the morning. Then he cried from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. I tried everything anyone told me that might help the colic to no avail. So...he got to cry. Finally, at the end of his third month, his spastic muscle repaired itself and he was able to eat, keep it down, and smile. Happy days!
One of the earliest "tricks" you learn as a parent or teacher for toddler and preschool age children is how to avert crying. The child falls down and they look at you and gauge their response according to yours. If you race to them and are all "oh honey, did you hurt yourself?" and you get all emotional about it - so will they. However, a lot of times, if you matter of factly, walk over to them, pick them up and say "what a big boy or girl you are! You didn't even cry...." They don't. They dust themselves off and toddle or run off to play. Therefore, crying is averted.
Averting crying does not stop with the little ones. Our most basic instinct, I think, is to stop the hurting...to make it all better..."let mommy kiss it and make it better..." I know I am a fixer; my mom is a fixer; many of my friends are fixers. We want to stop the tears because tears are evidence of pain. If we can stop the tears, we can avert the pain. For the moment.
If you read through my blogs this past year, you will see I have shed some tears of anguish, pain, confusion, doubt, happiness - a myriad of emotions. You have read it through my blog but my friends and family have seen the tears and anguish and have tried to make it better each in their own special way. But sometimes, I just need to cry...to express my emotions... you know..."it's my party and I'll cry if I want to..." kind of thing. Scott, my guyfriend, said it best. "Jaye, I can't make it better for you - I wish I could. Sometimes we just need to cry, get the tears out, go to bed and face a new day." He is right. Sometimes, we just need a good ole Jewish cry fest - you know where you and your friends throw ashes on your faces, rip your clothes and all of you wail and cry together. Nobody needs to fix anything, just cry - lament with me. Take a moment to get a mental picture of that - kind of makes you laugh, huh? Next time I'm having one of those days, I having a "Wailing Party!" Seriously, I am going to do that.
Lamenting. Even though I do a pretty good job of getting my emotions out there, there is a part of me that feels guilty when I do. I mean, I am supposed to be this strong woman of faith in which "with God, nothing is impossible" according to my phone message and have made Jeremiah 29:11 my life mantra...so, if I lament to you about my situation, doesn't that decrease my faith walk with God? Not according to Michael Card, author of A SACRED SORROW. Michael has reminded me of all the biblical saints and disciples that have lamented before the Lord....David (the Psalms are full of lamenting)...Jeremiah...Job...Jesus. Michael reminded me also of the words of lament spoken..."where are you, God?"..."why are you hiding your face against me?" "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go eat worms..." OK that is not in the bible...LOL...but I am sure that is only a revised version on someone's lament - Jonah I'm thinking and I think I have spoken those words as well. So, if these great men of God and our Lord Jesus himself have spoken words of lament, has that lessened their faith in God or made Jesus less than he is? Not in the least.
Actually, lamenting our prayers of complaint can still be prayers of faith. How so? Because if I am griping, complaining, throwing my temper fits before the Lord, I am expressing the thought that there IS a God out there that hears me and "represents my last refusal to let go of the God who may seem to be absent - or worse - uncaring. Lamenting expresses one of the most intimate moments of faith - not a denial of it. It is supreme honesty before a God whom my faith tells me I can trust. God encourages me to bring everything as an act of worship, my disappointment, frustration, and even my anger. Lamenting uncovers a new kind of biblical faith that better understands God's heart as it is revealed through Jesus Christ." (Card, 2005)
So, I will continue my litanies of every emotion - hurt, anger, disappointment, jubilation, sadness, confusion...because...well, although YOU may get sick of hearing all my stuff, I think honesty before the Lord is truly a delight unto Him. Don't you think?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord - Day 6 "Happy Mojo"
Okay, I skipped a couple of days....ummm...delighting myself in the Lord. Saturday, my guyfriend and I went on a "color" drive through southwest Colorado. We left early that morning and drove to Durango, Silverton, Ouray and then Telluride and then looped back home. I had heard a lot about Telluride but never been there...WOW - it was beautiful. A great place to visit but extremely expensive to live there. We took the gondola to the top of the mountain - went over Oprah's house, viewed Tom Cruise's airport investment, and had Nicholas Cage's mansion pointed out to us or at least the general direction.
So, how have I delighted myself in the Lord recently. Just resting in the Lord and not worrying about anything. Taking things one day at a time. Interestingly enough, I am averaging about 3-4 sub jobs a week. I have heard varying reports but I have been told that the number of jobs I am getting is phenomenal - and then today - as I turned down a sub job since I was already booked - the teacher told me subs were hard to find. So. I don't know how it really is but I feel like it is totally the Lord's blessings I am getting so many jobs. And I am enjoying having a varied schedule.
My other little "delight" is my new business - "this girl needs a party." It is a party and event planning business and I have come up with these little cupcake bouquets I do that are just Adorable!!! Even if I say so myself. My ad goes in the paper this week so we will see what happens.
I love this little business. My creative mojo just gets going and I absolutely have fun designing the bouquets. The creativity totally comes from the Lord and it wears me out sometimes. My mind gets going and I can't keep up with all of the ideas and plans I come up with. Results of being a victim of experiencing "happy mojo." LOL
Well, must go to bed so that I don't MISS MY ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW FOR MS. BECKY!!!
Delighting myself faithfully.
So, how have I delighted myself in the Lord recently. Just resting in the Lord and not worrying about anything. Taking things one day at a time. Interestingly enough, I am averaging about 3-4 sub jobs a week. I have heard varying reports but I have been told that the number of jobs I am getting is phenomenal - and then today - as I turned down a sub job since I was already booked - the teacher told me subs were hard to find. So. I don't know how it really is but I feel like it is totally the Lord's blessings I am getting so many jobs. And I am enjoying having a varied schedule.
My other little "delight" is my new business - "this girl needs a party." It is a party and event planning business and I have come up with these little cupcake bouquets I do that are just Adorable!!! Even if I say so myself. My ad goes in the paper this week so we will see what happens.
I love this little business. My creative mojo just gets going and I absolutely have fun designing the bouquets. The creativity totally comes from the Lord and it wears me out sometimes. My mind gets going and I can't keep up with all of the ideas and plans I come up with. Results of being a victim of experiencing "happy mojo." LOL
Well, must go to bed so that I don't MISS MY ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW FOR MS. BECKY!!!
Delighting myself faithfully.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord Day 3
Well, I almost missed posting today. Let me give a recap of this morning...
I had just settled myself down this morning with coffee, bible, and notebook when my phone rang. It was my friend Faith. "Hello?" "Where are you?" Faith demanded to know. "At my house." I replied in a tone that implied where else would I be at 8:20 in the morning? She says, "You are SUPPOSED to be here." OMGosh! Tone has now changed to horror. "What?" "Yeah, Becky has you scheduled to sub for her today." "Well, it's not on my calendar!" Holy smokes. My nightmare situation is occurring. I have forgotten a sub job. "I will be there in 45 minutes tops!" I hear Faith laughing as I hang up the phone. Forget delighting the Lord this morning! I am in turbo mode getting ready to be in a classroom I should have been in 20 minutes ago. Possibly, the Lord's delight for the day is this little episode in my life and He is very likely having a little laugh Himself. So glad I can provide comic relief for friends, family and God. Once I was actually in the classroom and settled in, I did find the situation rather humorous and laughed at myself. I am such a noo noo head. LOL
I had a moment to visit with a teacher friend and she made the comment, "Don't you think by delighting yourself in the Lord, God changes your heart and changes your desires?" I absolutely think that. When my desire is to delight God, I am not thinking about what I want so much. I am just letting things go and not making my demands to the Lord. Just like with prayer. Prayer is not about having a genie God to do my bidding. Prayer is about conversing with a friend... a special friend that has all the answers whether He chooses to reveal them at that moment or not. So another rather uneventful day in the project has passed but it was still a beautiful, well-spent day.
oh! another signature item about Ms. Jaye:
Perfume: Clinique - Happy Heart or Happy. Aren't those great names? Actually, my preschool was named "Happy Heart" and I came up with the name before I EVER heard of the perfume! Alfred Sung is my other perfume. The day I subbed for the freshmen algebra class, they walked in and said, "It smells like Ms. Jaye. It smells just like last year's class. Overpowering!" Oops. Oh well. At least it is overpowering in a good way - I think - As I reflect on being overpowering, I know that is also a signature feature of my personality - for better or worse. I know I can be a powerhouse and I am learning to curb it...kind of...
Still delighting...
I had just settled myself down this morning with coffee, bible, and notebook when my phone rang. It was my friend Faith. "Hello?" "Where are you?" Faith demanded to know. "At my house." I replied in a tone that implied where else would I be at 8:20 in the morning? She says, "You are SUPPOSED to be here." OMGosh! Tone has now changed to horror. "What?" "Yeah, Becky has you scheduled to sub for her today." "Well, it's not on my calendar!" Holy smokes. My nightmare situation is occurring. I have forgotten a sub job. "I will be there in 45 minutes tops!" I hear Faith laughing as I hang up the phone. Forget delighting the Lord this morning! I am in turbo mode getting ready to be in a classroom I should have been in 20 minutes ago. Possibly, the Lord's delight for the day is this little episode in my life and He is very likely having a little laugh Himself. So glad I can provide comic relief for friends, family and God. Once I was actually in the classroom and settled in, I did find the situation rather humorous and laughed at myself. I am such a noo noo head. LOL
I had a moment to visit with a teacher friend and she made the comment, "Don't you think by delighting yourself in the Lord, God changes your heart and changes your desires?" I absolutely think that. When my desire is to delight God, I am not thinking about what I want so much. I am just letting things go and not making my demands to the Lord. Just like with prayer. Prayer is not about having a genie God to do my bidding. Prayer is about conversing with a friend... a special friend that has all the answers whether He chooses to reveal them at that moment or not. So another rather uneventful day in the project has passed but it was still a beautiful, well-spent day.
oh! another signature item about Ms. Jaye:
Perfume: Clinique - Happy Heart or Happy. Aren't those great names? Actually, my preschool was named "Happy Heart" and I came up with the name before I EVER heard of the perfume! Alfred Sung is my other perfume. The day I subbed for the freshmen algebra class, they walked in and said, "It smells like Ms. Jaye. It smells just like last year's class. Overpowering!" Oops. Oh well. At least it is overpowering in a good way - I think - As I reflect on being overpowering, I know that is also a signature feature of my personality - for better or worse. I know I can be a powerhouse and I am learning to curb it...kind of...
Still delighting...
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Project: Delighting myself in the Lord Day 2
Nothing really of significance happened yesterday but it isn't always the big things that are so major. I just looked up the word "delight" and the official definition for delight is "find great pleasure or enjoyment of something." The opposite definition is "to be in distress." So - children give me great pleasure and enjoyment. I spent yesterday with K-4th graders helping with reading skills. One little girl and boy drew me pictures - their version of a thank you/I love you to the substitute teacher. Ahhh - refrigerator art - I miss that.
Reflecting on these children's art - isn't it amazing that you can spend 45 minutes with a child and they think they love you? I didn't do anything special for either of these children, like play favorites or anything, I was just there. At the end of the class, they hand me pictures and notes saying "I love you - you are so nice to me." Kind of makes you tremble in awe with the power you hold in your hand, your voice, your demeanor at touching a child's heart. Ok - that was my delight but what about delighting the Lord?
I think - no, I am pretty sure, positive that God delights in absolute trust in who He says He is. Every time Satan put a negative thought in my head about job possibilities, I just pushed it aside and repeated: "Delight yourself in the Lord." No need to worry about tomorrow, or next week, or what people think or don't think... work with today...go with the moment...and be who God created me to be and who He created me to be right now in the moment. Trust in the God who says, "Trust me, fear not...I have you in my hand and I WILL NOT leave you nor forsake you..." (Jaye's condensed version.) Do you know how awesome the feeling is to just let go and live for the day??? Incredible!
So, I can choose to find enjoyment and great pleasure in the day or I can settle in for distress and discontentment." Ummm....choosing great pleasure so here I am on the morning of day 2 and anticipating the day's events...
Ms. Jaye
Reflecting on these children's art - isn't it amazing that you can spend 45 minutes with a child and they think they love you? I didn't do anything special for either of these children, like play favorites or anything, I was just there. At the end of the class, they hand me pictures and notes saying "I love you - you are so nice to me." Kind of makes you tremble in awe with the power you hold in your hand, your voice, your demeanor at touching a child's heart. Ok - that was my delight but what about delighting the Lord?
I think - no, I am pretty sure, positive that God delights in absolute trust in who He says He is. Every time Satan put a negative thought in my head about job possibilities, I just pushed it aside and repeated: "Delight yourself in the Lord." No need to worry about tomorrow, or next week, or what people think or don't think... work with today...go with the moment...and be who God created me to be and who He created me to be right now in the moment. Trust in the God who says, "Trust me, fear not...I have you in my hand and I WILL NOT leave you nor forsake you..." (Jaye's condensed version.) Do you know how awesome the feeling is to just let go and live for the day??? Incredible!
So, I can choose to find enjoyment and great pleasure in the day or I can settle in for distress and discontentment." Ummm....choosing great pleasure so here I am on the morning of day 2 and anticipating the day's events...
Ms. Jaye
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Project: Delight Yourself In The Lord
I absolutely love Hobby Lobby (craft store). I mean, I can walk in the store and just feel ....happy! Everything in the store just spells cute...creative...beauty ( most of it) ....and of course there is sure to be "tacky" stuck in there somewhere but overall it is a store supplied with materials to enable the creative genius to do their thing. Anyway, on a recent visit, as I walked through the store, I realized, "I have lost my fun." How do you lose your fun?
First off, you get so intense and focused on something that you lose sight of everything else. When things aren't turning out the way you want them to, you get angry and depressed and cynical and lethargic - or at least that is what has happened to me - and a really stinky attitude settles in. So, without realizing it, I have been in this really long temper tantrum with the Lord because I didn't get my way. Even though I have said the Lord has something else for me other than teaching full-time this year, I didn't really believe it and I have just been plain mad about it. Then my friend made a comment to me that has changed everything. He said, "Jaye, you have been through a lot. Why don't you just enjoy this time you have substitute teaching and enjoy being off on the days you don't have an assignment..." hmmm... novel idea....enjoy my time off... first remark was "you haven't seen my bank account." No, but God has and does.
So, after seeing the movie, Julie/Julia, I have been inspired to do my own project. The Lord has been whispering in my ear one of my long favorite verses: "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your hear." Psalm 37:4. Everyday, from now until May 31st, I am going to delight myself in the Lord; put my "happy" on; and focus on delighting the Lord. Each day, I will share what has happened.
As of this day, I am letting go of the past disappointments of not getting a job. I have no expectations of getting a job this next year with the district. I am leaving that situation to the Lord. I have no agenda other than to start and finish my masters and see what happens. Feel free to remind me of this at any point should I get off track!
Happy facts about Ms. Jaye:
Current job: substitute teaching and children's minister at my church
Signature colors: Red - passion, energy, power, danger, purity, joy, happiness, celebration and prosperity. YELLOW - cheerful, hopeful, joy and courage - mixed with red - excitement. BLACK - mystery, sophistication, elegance, class, depth, encourages the imagination of a different world from that of daylight realities. (each color does have a negative side but let's just focus on happy!)
Relationships: Daughter of a king; earthly daughter to two wonderful parents; sister of two beautiful sisters; mother of three beautiful children; grandmother to one beautiful little boy; special relationship to one incredible man; owner of a multitude of friends that she can't engage with as much as she would like.
I invite you to share this journey with me. And now, I must get ready for this first day of delighting myself in the Lord...
Delighting...
Ms. Jaye
First off, you get so intense and focused on something that you lose sight of everything else. When things aren't turning out the way you want them to, you get angry and depressed and cynical and lethargic - or at least that is what has happened to me - and a really stinky attitude settles in. So, without realizing it, I have been in this really long temper tantrum with the Lord because I didn't get my way. Even though I have said the Lord has something else for me other than teaching full-time this year, I didn't really believe it and I have just been plain mad about it. Then my friend made a comment to me that has changed everything. He said, "Jaye, you have been through a lot. Why don't you just enjoy this time you have substitute teaching and enjoy being off on the days you don't have an assignment..." hmmm... novel idea....enjoy my time off... first remark was "you haven't seen my bank account." No, but God has and does.
So, after seeing the movie, Julie/Julia, I have been inspired to do my own project. The Lord has been whispering in my ear one of my long favorite verses: "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your hear." Psalm 37:4. Everyday, from now until May 31st, I am going to delight myself in the Lord; put my "happy" on; and focus on delighting the Lord. Each day, I will share what has happened.
As of this day, I am letting go of the past disappointments of not getting a job. I have no expectations of getting a job this next year with the district. I am leaving that situation to the Lord. I have no agenda other than to start and finish my masters and see what happens. Feel free to remind me of this at any point should I get off track!
Happy facts about Ms. Jaye:
Current job: substitute teaching and children's minister at my church
Signature colors: Red - passion, energy, power, danger, purity, joy, happiness, celebration and prosperity. YELLOW - cheerful, hopeful, joy and courage - mixed with red - excitement. BLACK - mystery, sophistication, elegance, class, depth, encourages the imagination of a different world from that of daylight realities. (each color does have a negative side but let's just focus on happy!)
Relationships: Daughter of a king; earthly daughter to two wonderful parents; sister of two beautiful sisters; mother of three beautiful children; grandmother to one beautiful little boy; special relationship to one incredible man; owner of a multitude of friends that she can't engage with as much as she would like.
I invite you to share this journey with me. And now, I must get ready for this first day of delighting myself in the Lord...
Delighting...
Ms. Jaye
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Prayer - does it really matter?
I bet you saw the title and thought, "She's on a downer." No really I'm not. I have had this question posed to me a couple of times in the last couple of months...and I am at a place where I can really think about it...again. Why pray?
I contemplated this question shortly after Kade's death. I mean - if God is sovereign and He knows what He's going to do and things are going to happen according to God's plan, does it really matter if I pray? or...can God's mind be changed with prayer? or...we pray and the harder we pray the worse things get? What's up with that one?
I think the bottom line answer to the question is prayer isn't about us. Prayer isn't about getting our way or getting God to be our own personal genie. Prayer is about relationship. When I pray, I am talking to God, my Father, my Friend, my Savior, my Comforter, my Deliverer, my Provider,...my everything.
I was thinking about this question the other day and the comparison came to mind of parent/child relationship. My mother and I are very close. Growing up, I could talk to her about anything. I spent a lot of time with my mom talking in the car or just around the house and when I married and moved off I still called her a lot...about anything and everything. The thing about my mom is that if she could fix a problem for me, she would - come hell or high water - if it was in her power to help me, she did. Or if she felt I needed something she got it. If she found something she knew I would like, she bought it. If she couldn't fix it for me - like my broken heart - she was there to hold me and comfort me and tell me she loved me. I saw her love for me in her eyes and actions. And her prayers - I was on every prayer list she could get me on because in her weakness and powerlessness she knew the One who could help me. My mother loves me with everything that is inside of her and I am pretty sure she would give her life for me. My mom and I are close because we have shared our hearts with one another.
Prayer is communication with the God that loves me so much He died for me. Everything my mom feels for me and does for me is minute compared to what God can do and does for me. Spending time with God in prayer develops a relationship that cannot be created any other way other than by time being spent with him. In the movie, "Elf", Buddy quickly discovers the "false" Santa. He knew the real "Santa" because he had lived with Santa, worked for Santa, and talked with Santa. Buddy tells the fake Santa, "You don't smell like him." You don't know how someone smells unless you have been next to them. That is what prayer does for you. It puts you next to God so you can smell him. It doesn't matter whether you get what you want or whether you get the relief you seek- what matters is that you know the One in control and you know Him well enough to trust him with your life. And you may not understand. But you know the One who does get it and has it all under control.
So - what do you think? Why pray?
I contemplated this question shortly after Kade's death. I mean - if God is sovereign and He knows what He's going to do and things are going to happen according to God's plan, does it really matter if I pray? or...can God's mind be changed with prayer? or...we pray and the harder we pray the worse things get? What's up with that one?
I think the bottom line answer to the question is prayer isn't about us. Prayer isn't about getting our way or getting God to be our own personal genie. Prayer is about relationship. When I pray, I am talking to God, my Father, my Friend, my Savior, my Comforter, my Deliverer, my Provider,...my everything.
I was thinking about this question the other day and the comparison came to mind of parent/child relationship. My mother and I are very close. Growing up, I could talk to her about anything. I spent a lot of time with my mom talking in the car or just around the house and when I married and moved off I still called her a lot...about anything and everything. The thing about my mom is that if she could fix a problem for me, she would - come hell or high water - if it was in her power to help me, she did. Or if she felt I needed something she got it. If she found something she knew I would like, she bought it. If she couldn't fix it for me - like my broken heart - she was there to hold me and comfort me and tell me she loved me. I saw her love for me in her eyes and actions. And her prayers - I was on every prayer list she could get me on because in her weakness and powerlessness she knew the One who could help me. My mother loves me with everything that is inside of her and I am pretty sure she would give her life for me. My mom and I are close because we have shared our hearts with one another.
Prayer is communication with the God that loves me so much He died for me. Everything my mom feels for me and does for me is minute compared to what God can do and does for me. Spending time with God in prayer develops a relationship that cannot be created any other way other than by time being spent with him. In the movie, "Elf", Buddy quickly discovers the "false" Santa. He knew the real "Santa" because he had lived with Santa, worked for Santa, and talked with Santa. Buddy tells the fake Santa, "You don't smell like him." You don't know how someone smells unless you have been next to them. That is what prayer does for you. It puts you next to God so you can smell him. It doesn't matter whether you get what you want or whether you get the relief you seek- what matters is that you know the One in control and you know Him well enough to trust him with your life. And you may not understand. But you know the One who does get it and has it all under control.
So - what do you think? Why pray?
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