Friday, December 25, 2015

Granna Antics

My daughter made the remark that she lives with the Tasmanian Devils. After keeping my four adorable grandchildren 3 days while Keilah and Adam moved into their new home.....I think she may be right. I have to share the experience with you...I did not make up any of these events!

Friday evening, December 19th, Keilah loaded her suburban up with pack n plays, high chairs, clothes, food, and toys. I took the older two boys with me and my job was to go get milk, diapers, and Sunny D juice. I don't know where my head was....I just went straight to the apartment. Met Keilah there and she is like, "Mom, diapers?" Oh yeah. so I get in the car and go get diapers, juice, and milk. I bought the wrong size diapers. We had enough to make it for awhile so no big deal......haha....just a trip to HEB in my future.....with 4 kids....oh by the way....before we left Keilah's, Anna Kade was playing with my phone and the screen went actually, it went dark and then starting this beautiful myriad of pretty spotty lights across the phone cratered...... I have no that will mean getting my old, no good, slow loading, stupid phone turned on until I get a replacement....which means a trip to Verizon is in my future....which also means I will have 4 kids and no form of outside communication except to step out on the balcony and yell "hey or Help!"

Nevertheless.....All is good. Babies are in bed; Keilah leaves; it is Granna and the boys. All is good....til 11:15 pm. Anna Kade is awake....get bottle and put her to bed....1:30......Anna Kade is awake.....hold her, sing to her, put her back to bed.....3:15 Anna Kade is awake.....get another bottle....sit on couch with granddaughter, look around and see Blitz, the elf as in
Elf on the shelf elf",...oh crap...I almost forgot about Blitz. What crazy antic can I set him up with? Being the creative Granna that I am, I pose Blitz at the mixer with a wooden spoon (would have taken pictures camera phone thing...) and put Bisquick in the mixer and around the base to make it look like Blitz was making pancakes. Anna Kade has had a moment to play and now I will put her back to bed. 5:00 a.m. she is awake again. Here, just sleep with me. We "sleep" for an hour and get up. Everybody is up...6 15 a.m. On your mark, get set, GO! Granna!

Boys: Granna! Look at Blitz! He is making pancakes! do you think he wants pancakes for breakfast? I bet he wants us to eat pancakes!

Put babies in high chairs with grapes and this applesauce thing you twist off the cap and they suck it out - well that is how it is supposed to work. I look around and Anna Kade is squeezing it all out on her tray and rolling the grapes in it.
Collier: Granna, I want pancakes.....with syrup no butter.
Storybook Granna: Ok, well I will make you some pancakes with..
Collier: No Granna. I want the frozen mini circle ones.
Storybook Granna: Let me make you...Jake - stop throwing the grapes - are you done? Here let's wipe you off. Collier, are you sure you don't want me to make pan- Anna Kade - let's get you down. (she is also throwing applesauce covered grapes).
I wipe hands and get the twins out of their highchairs. Jake runs off to play; Anna Kade wants me to hold her. So I am getting frozen pancakes out of the freezer, getting the toaster and trying to put these half-dollar sized pancakes in the toaster. They are too little and fall through. Now I have to dig them out. One-handed with Ms. CrankyPants in my other arm.
"Collier, how do you cook these things?" "microwave them." Ok. I toss them in the micorwave.
Wyatt: Granna, I want pancakes.
Modern day Granna: Ok I will put some in the microwave for you. How many?
Wyatt: No Granna. I want you to make them like Blitz. (How's that creativity working out for you Granna?????)
Modern day Granna: Really Wyatt? Can't you just eat microwave ones?
Wyatt: No Granna. I want you to make them.
Story book Granna: Ok. How about eggs? You want some eggs too?
Wyatt: Yes.
I look at Collier. He is drowning his mini pancakes in syrup.
Collier! You have plenty of syrup! (They are practically floating)
Granna! I want both sides with syrup.
Flip them over!
Now I am holding AK, flipping Wyatt's pancakes, and cracking eggs with one hand. I look over and Jake has discovered the zip lock baggies in the bottom drawer and is pulling them out and throwing them everywhere.
"No, No! Jakey! Let's play over here!" I show him toys in the living room...
Oh dang it! The pancakes are...burning...well not burnt...but ...dark brown. I will just put them on the plate, yellow side up, and drown them in syrup.
Now for the eggs.....
Wyatt: Granna, I don't want eggs! Where is my juice?
Slightly Crazy Granna: Wyatt - why don't you want eggs? You said you did. I made them for you...
Wyatt: I don't want them.
Granna: Ok. Ak - you want eggs?
I feed her a bite. Jake is now in the kitchen, tugging on my leg. I feed him some eggs too.
Finally breakfast is over. Kids and kitchen is wiped down. Time to get dressed.

Phase two of our day:

Collier and Wyatt:  Granna let's make a gingerbread house.  Let's go to Target and get a Gingerbread house to make.
I do NOT like making gingerbread houses.  They NEVER work....for me.  They slide all over the place and collapse. The last time I made gingerbread houses was in 1999 I think and Ty hot glued them together for me onto pint-sized milk cartons..... I really do not want to make gingerbread houses.......
I need a phone.  Ok kids, let's go to Target.  We can get the Gingerbread house (that I do not want to make) and they have a Verizon store inside Target and I can get my phone.  This may not be as hard as I think.  HAHAHAHAHAHA!
We get to Target, I unload the stroller, load the twins, get the boys and in we go.  The Verizon employee does not get the necessity of making this quick.  He slowly looks at my phone; slowly looks up my account and c-o-n-t-e-m-p-l-a-t-e-s how to help me.  I am tapping my foot and trying to remain patient, but I know the patience timebomb is ticking for the twins.....
"Sir, can you just turn on my phone?"  I ask.
No, he cannot do that.  I will have to go to a Verizon store.  Where is the nearest Verizon store? He tells me and I quickly whisk boys and twins over to the Christmas isle, find the gingerbread house (I caved), pay and out we Verizon.

It is about a 10 minute drive - a drive that is long enough for everyone to fall asleep - except for Anna Kade.  Really AK?  so I park in front of Verizon -the parking angels where with me - and unload the stroller - did I mention how much energy it takes to unload strollers and babies from car seats and get kids out of the car????? -  I get one baby loaded and then the other.  Now to wake up the boys.  No, they are dead to the world.  I cannot get them to wake up.  I need a phone.  Please God do not let a CPS person park beside me.  I am going to let the boys sleep and run inside with the twins.  I lock the boys in the car and go inside Verizon.  I can see inside the suburban, but I am nervous as can be.
Verizon employee:  Can I help you?
Stressed Granna:  Yes, I have busted my phone and I need this old one turned on.
Verizon employee:  Do you have insurance on the broken phone?
Stressed Granna anxiously looking out the window:  yes.
Verizon employee:  We will have to make the claim before I can turn this phone on.
Very Stressed Granna:  Ok.  Can I stay here in front of the window?  My grandsons are sleeping in the surburban right there and I can't wake them up.
Verizon Employee:  Yes.  (He dials the insurance company and I finally get the claim made).
Collier wakes up, sees me, and opens the car door.  Alarm goes off on the car.  I turn it off.  He comes in.  I am still waiting for the sales guy to STOP TALKING TO THAT OTHER CUSTOMER and come HELP ME!!!!    I leave Collier with the twins, run out to the car and try to wake up Wyatt.  Nope. sound asleep.  I run back into Verizon.
Desperate Granna:  Please can someone just turn on my phone for me?
Verizon Employee takes pity on me and completes the transition.  I am outta there.  
I reload children in car seats and try to fold the stroller.  It won't go down.  I try everything and cannot get it to totally fold down.  I just stuff it in the back, hoping the trunk will close - it did - and go home.
Granna is tired.  We still have diapers.....we are going make a gingerbread house.
And did not slid and collapsed as usual.....I let the boys suck the icing out of the bag and eat the sides and candy.

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