Granna Antics

My daughter made the remark that she lives with the Tasmanian Devils. After keeping my four adorable grandchildren 3 days while Keilah and Adam moved into their new home.....I think she may be right. I have to share the experience with you...I did not make up any of these events!

Friday evening, December 19th, Keilah loaded her suburban up with pack n plays, high chairs, clothes, food, and toys. I took the older two boys with me and my job was to go get milk, diapers, and Sunny D juice. I don't know where my head was....I just went straight to the apartment. Met Keilah there and she is like, "Mom, diapers?" Oh yeah. so I get in the car and go get diapers, juice, and milk. I bought the wrong size diapers. We had enough to make it for awhile so no big deal......haha....just a trip to HEB in my future.....with 4 kids....oh by the way....before we left Keilah's, Anna Kade was playing with my phone and the screen went dark....no actually, it went dark and then starting this beautiful myriad of pretty spotty lights across the screen....my phone cratered...... I have no phone....Ok....so that will mean getting my old, no good, slow loading, stupid phone turned on until I get a replacement....which means a trip to Verizon is in my future....which also means I will have 4 kids and no form of outside communication except to step out on the balcony and yell "hey or Help!"

Nevertheless.....All is good. Babies are in bed; Keilah leaves; it is Granna and the boys. All is good....til 11:15 pm. Anna Kade is awake....get bottle and put her to bed....1:30......Anna Kade is awake.....hold her, sing to her, put her back to bed.....3:15 Anna Kade is awake.....get another bottle....sit on couch with granddaughter, look around and see Blitz, the elf as in

Elf on the shelf elf",...oh crap...I almost forgot about Blitz. What crazy antic can I set him up with? Being the creative Granna that I am, I pose Blitz at the mixer with a wooden spoon (would have taken pictures but....no camera phone thing...) and put Bisquick in the mixer and around the base to make it look like Blitz was making pancakes. Anna Kade has had a moment to play and now I will put her back to bed. 5:00 a.m. she is awake again. Here, just sleep with me. We "sleep" for an hour and get up. Everybody is up...6 15 a.m. On your mark, get set, GO! Granna!

Boys: Granna! Look at Blitz! He is making pancakes! do you think he wants pancakes for breakfast? I bet he wants us to eat pancakes!

Put babies in high chairs with grapes and this applesauce thing you twist off the cap and they suck it out - well that is how it is supposed to work. I look around and Anna Kade is squeezing it all out on her tray and rolling the grapes in it.

Collier: Granna, I want pancakes.....with syrup no butter.

Storybook Granna: Ok, well I will make you some pancakes with..

Collier: No Granna. I want the frozen mini circle ones.

Storybook Granna: Let me make you...Jake - stop throwing the grapes - are you done? Here let's wipe you off. Collier, are you sure you don't want me to make pan- Anna Kade - let's get you down. (she is also throwing applesauce covered grapes).

I wipe hands and get the twins out of their highchairs. Jake runs off to play; Anna Kade wants me to hold her. So I am getting frozen pancakes out of the freezer, getting the toaster and trying to put these half-dollar sized pancakes in the toaster. They are too little and fall through. Now I have to dig them out. One-handed with Ms. CrankyPants in my other arm.

"Collier, how do you cook these things?" "microwave them." Ok. I toss them in the micorwave.

Wyatt: Granna, I want pancakes.

Modern day Granna: Ok I will put some in the microwave for you. How many?

Wyatt: No Granna. I want you to make them like Blitz. (How's that creativity working out for you Granna?????)

Modern day Granna: Really Wyatt? Can't you just eat microwave ones?

Wyatt: No Granna. I want you to make them.

Story book Granna: Ok. How about eggs? You want some eggs too?

Wyatt: Yes.

I look at Collier. He is drowning his mini pancakes in syrup.

Collier! You have plenty of syrup! (They are practically floating)

Granna! I want both sides with syrup.

Flip them over!

Now I am holding AK, flipping Wyatt's pancakes, and cracking eggs with one hand. I look over and Jake has discovered the zip lock baggies in the bottom drawer and is pulling them out and throwing them everywhere.

"No, No! Jakey! Let's play over here!" I show him toys in the living room...

Oh dang it! The pancakes are...burning...well not burnt...but ...dark brown. I will just put them on the plate, yellow side up, and drown them in syrup.

Now for the eggs.....

Wyatt: Granna, I don't want eggs! Where is my juice?

Slightly Crazy Granna: Wyatt - why don't you want eggs? You said you did. I made them for you...

Wyatt: I don't want them.

Granna: Ok. Ak - you want eggs?

I feed her a bite. Jake is now in the kitchen, tugging on my leg. I feed him some eggs too.

Finally breakfast is over. Kids and kitchen is wiped down. Time to get dressed.

Phase two of our day:

Collier and Wyatt:  Granna let's make a gingerbread house.  Let's go to Target and get a Gingerbread house to make.

I do NOT like making gingerbread houses.  They NEVER work....for me.  They slide all over the place and collapse. The last time I made gingerbread houses was in 1999 I think and Ty hot glued them together for me onto pint-sized milk cartons..... I really do not want to make gingerbread houses.......

I need a phone.  Ok kids, let's go to Target.  We can get the Gingerbread house (that I do not want to make) and they have a Verizon store inside Target and I can get my phone.  This may not be as hard as I think.  HAHAHAHAHAHA!

We get to Target, I unload the stroller, load the twins, get the boys and in we go.  The Verizon employee does not get the necessity of making this quick.  He slowly looks at my phone; slowly looks up my account and c-o-n-t-e-m-p-l-a-t-e-s how to help me.  I am tapping my foot and trying to remain patient, but I know the patience timebomb is ticking for the twins.....

"Sir, can you just turn on my phone?"  I ask.

No, he cannot do that.  I will have to go to a Verizon store.  Where is the nearest Verizon store? He tells me and I quickly whisk boys and twins over to the Christmas isle, find the gingerbread house (I caved), pay and out we go....to Verizon.

It is about a 10 minute drive - a drive that is long enough for everyone to fall asleep - except for Anna Kade.  Really AK?  so I park in front of Verizon -the parking angels where with me - and unload the stroller - did I mention how much energy it takes to unload strollers and babies from car seats and get kids out of the car????? -  I get one baby loaded and then the other.  Now to wake up the boys.  No, they are dead to the world.  I cannot get them to wake up.  I need a phone.  Please God do not let a CPS person park beside me.  I am going to let the boys sleep and run inside with the twins.  I lock the boys in the car and go inside Verizon.  I can see inside the suburban, but I am nervous as can be.

Verizon employee:  Can I help you?

Stressed Granna:  Yes, I have busted my phone and I need this old one turned on.

Verizon employee:  Do you have insurance on the broken phone?

Stressed Granna anxiously looking out the window:  yes.

Verizon employee:  We will have to make the claim before I can turn this phone on.

Very Stressed Granna:  Ok.  Can I stay here in front of the window?  My grandsons are sleeping in the surburban right there and I can't wake them up.

Verizon Employee:  Yes.  (He dials the insurance company and I finally get the claim made).

Collier wakes up, sees me, and opens the car door.  Alarm goes off on the car.  I turn it off.  He comes in.  I am still waiting for the sales guy to STOP TALKING TO THAT OTHER CUSTOMER and come HELP ME!!!!    I leave Collier with the twins, run out to the car and try to wake up Wyatt.  Nope. sound asleep.  I run back into Verizon.

Desperate Granna:  Please can someone just turn on my phone for me?

Verizon Employee takes pity on me and completes the transition.  I am outta there.  

I reload children in car seats and try to fold the stroller.  It won't go down.  I try everything and cannot get it to totally fold down.  I just stuff it in the back, hoping the trunk will close - it did - and go home.

Granna is tired.  We still have diapers.....we are going home......to make a gingerbread house.

And no....it did not work....it slid and collapsed as usual.....I let the boys suck the icing out of the bag and eat the sides and candy.

Results.

You and the weekly WW meetings have become my accountability partners in the Chubby Bride Workout Plan.
Results:  lost 4 tenths of a pound....
    good news:  I lost and didn't gain.
    bad news:  this could be a really long journey to a 20 lb. loss at 4 tenths of a pound each week.

So I went home and had a low count dinner - 2 chicken legs and green beans and whole wheat bread.  Then I took one bite of several different things Donna brought back from Texas.  She has absolutely the best smorgasborg of food in her pantry.  She always buys different and interesting things like Bluebonnet jelly, cocoa roasted almonds, things from the bakery,...she buys things I would never buy because of the calories.  I am kind of plain jane when it comes to buying food because I know I will just eat it.
 
Weight watchers tells you to write it if you bite it.  Well, I bit it and I am just going to write it off as a hungry girl moment and let it go.

My goal for this week starting today is to:
     Write it if I bite it.  Everything.
      Have a perfect 19 point a day week
      Add cardio to my already intensive workout.
      Try to have a 3 lb loss (well really I need a 4 lb one to stay on goal but I don't know if I can do it.)
Measure my body.

85 days to the wedding day.
The Chubby Bride.

Chubby Bride Work-out Plan

Scott and I - okay - Jaye decided she wanted to get married in October in an aspen grove during the beautiful, fall color.  hmmmm....December to October (2nd) - that gave me a good eight months to get ready.  Ready as in looking good in a wedding dress.  And it will take every bit of eight months.

How is it you can look at yourself in the mirror day after day and not see yourself?  Like, see yourself as, "I am FAT!"  My FAT revelation did not come with my clothes fitting tighter or clothes not fitting at all, or having to buy bigger jeans and tops; it came with looking at some pictures of myself back in the fall and at Christmas. There it was- this - this - this belly roll over the jeans - not a muffin top - a mushy cake roll hanging right over the top of those jeans!  How did THAT get there?  I have NEVER had a belly roll....and it didn't go away when I stood up either....holy moly...and then I measured myself.....Holy Shamoly!  where did THOSE numbers come from????   Say it isn't SO!  Something must be done....

Then I got engaged!  And I refuse to be a chubby bride! So I began my Chubby Bride Workout plan and signed on with Weight Watchers in January.  Only on-line. I was sure my determination would overshadow any need to go to weekly meetings...with weekly weigh-ins.

Scales scare me.  Really they do.  And now when I weigh and see numbers I have never seen before - I am terrified.  But weighing in is pretty much of a part of the weight watcher plan, so weigh I must - so I weighed on my scales and got one number.  Then I weighed at my daughter's and got another number; and then finally on a doctor's scales...that is when I fainted. 

Weight Watcher's on-line with the e-tools worked for about two weeks.  I loved getting up early in the morning and logging in and filling in the blanks for what I was going to eat that day.  I even lost about 6 pounds - just enough for me to think I could slack off and I quit tracking my food.  I worked out pretty regularly but had some haphazard weeks.  On top of that, the weigh-in was not working.  I didn't have a scale at home (I moved and threw the scales away - they were about 5 pounds heavy......yes, I could have bought a new one, but I don't think the accountability for weighing would be there) and going to church to weigh wasn't working either so two weeks ago I joined Weight Watchers "land side" where I go to weekly meetings and weekly weigh ins.

My workout plan has become very focused and rigid.  I exercise everyday unless I absolutely cannot - like Sunday - driving home from Denver all day.

And Scott and I decided (yes, both of us) to get married in Belize instead of the aspens.  What have I gone and done now?  Upped the anty - not only do I have to get in shape for a wedding dress - but now I have added the beach to the picture!

So - so far here are the results:

April 28th - lost 2 lbs.

I have purchased the Physique 57 workout (Kelly Ripa swears by it) and am working out to it 3 days a week and then doing other DVD workouts on the other days.  sometimes I walk during the day if I can.

I will measure and tell you how many inches I have lost since Christmas.  Even if the scales don't show it, I know I am losing inches because it is getting fun to try on clothes in my closet....Or pull pants out of the dryer, put them on, and they not only fit, but the pocket lining is no longer bulging out the sides.

Today is weigh-in.  At 5:00.  Why can't there be a 5 AM weigh in where you haven't eaten anything since the night before and you could remove all clothing behind a curtain and step on the scale.....  My blood pressure is already rising in anticipation of the results -good or bad. 

I have worked out really, really hard this week, and I have had the bare minimum to eat today in anticipation of my meeting with the scales this afternoon. I stuck to the plan except for Saturday night when we had early birthday cake for Scott at the Cheesecake Factory - I did have Low Carb if that helps - and I did walk all day in Denver Saturday.  ...5:00 is coming....

Ok, results to be posted tomorrow.

PS.....Wedding date is July 30th...and there is a story behind that too....
The Chubby Bride

Delighting Myself in the Lord!

I said I would follow this theme until the end of May, but I think I can close the theme out now.  Delighting myself in the Lord...what an adventure - although sometimes it has been kind of ho-hum, you know - the everyday stuff- but then! there were the really BIG days... like Christmas night!  So what HAVE I learned from this adventure?

The first thing would be - "don't sweat the small stuff."  Learning to just go with the flow and not spazzing out when things don't go the way you plan.  The scripture "Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to the Lord. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7 

Not having a 'steady' job is a great way to put this verse into practice.  As I write the word "steady", I have to smile to myself and ask myself to define steady.  I have had the most steady, full-time, part-time job ever by substitute teaching.   Seriously!  I have consistently averaged 3-4 subbing jobs per week - well not counting post-Christmas!  A little 'skinny' there but you know what?  It all worked out.  For the times when it was a little 'skinny', I reminded myself that God knew my needs, and had exactly the right amount of jobs, on the right days for me.  And He did. 

Learning to appreciate a flexible job schedule.  I have learned to love my schedule.  Sometimes I work all day, sometimes half-days, and then sometimes have days off in the middle of the week or the end of the week...long weekends...oh! and I have shorter work days!  Out of school at 3:30 or 1:30 on Fridays....plus the schedule has been a god-send for working on my masters degree.  which brings me to my next point...

Learning when to let go and having the courage to do it.  I am postponing the master's program for a while.  The bachelor's program with University of Phoenix was a great experience; however, the master's program has been nothing but stressful with the learning teams from the get-go.  During spring break, after a particularly frustating experience, I cried "uncle" and withdraw from the program - mainly because
I was not having the time to plan for my upcoming wedding, much less get excited about it.  What a relief to let school go for a time and concentrate on what needs to be priority.  With our school's budget cuts, I am not too hopeful that  a job will be available any time soon, so why continue the "killer" push to get done?  Aside from the fact that that is my personality!

Another thing I let go of was my condo.  I have tried selling and renting with no luck selling and worse luck with some of my renters! Ugh!  Anyway, after struggling to hang onto the barbie townhouse, I decided to cry "uncle" on that one too and handed it back to the bank.  Although I felt a bit of shame not fulfilling my mortgage agreement, I also felt a tremendous sense of relief.  A huge burden was lifted from my shoulders and the release of a stress I did not realize I was carrying. 

Everyday I continue to feel myself decompressing. I have been on overload for a long time and did not realize the daily pressure I have put myself under.  I think a layer lifts each day as my schedule is freer and responsibilities are lighter.

As I close this phase of Delighting Myself, I know I will continue to use the things I have learned and subconsciously, if not consciously, continue to delight myself in the Lord.

Once again, God has been so very good to me as I struggled to find my way.  I am grateful for the time I have had for this venture and all of the lessons the Lord has had for me. 

I challenge you to have your own "Delight Yourself In the Lord" project.  Who knows what God has in store for you! 

Coming next:  The Chubby Bride Work out Plan!

She said, "Yes!"

So guess who is getting married???!!!! Yep, Princess Jaye has found her Prince!

Last year, as I was in my long-term sub position, I just so happened to be stationed right next door to the very cute and handsome 8th grade history teacher who just so happened to be single.

One day, I went into his room to ask a question and as I started to leave the room, he said, "Could I ask you a question?" Sure, I replied expecting him to ask me something about school. Uh no, that would be a negative! He said, "Would I be overstepping professional bounds if I asked you out sometime?" Sucking up my surprise, I smiled and said, "No, that would be great!" So we went to dinner, and dinner again, and then we were going out a lot... and then Christmas came along....

It just so happens Scott, (my prince charming does have a name), has Texas ties. His parents own a ranch in Dripping Spring, Texas (south of Austin). We went there for Christmas. Actually, he was at the ranch while I was flittin' from Dripping Springs to Austin to Lubbock to Dripping Springs.

So anyway, I had traveled to Lubbock with Keilah and Adam and Collier to have Christmas with my family. I flew back to Austin on Christmas afternoon. Scott picked me up at the airport and had yellow roses for me. I thought, "Well, how sweet of him!" We went back to the ranch for dinner since everything was closed on Christmas.

We had the fireplace going and it was all so warm and cozy. I sat in the rocking chair by the fireplace and Scott was sitting across the room from me. I was telling Scott my ideas about what he should do if he wanted to sell his house. As I was talking, he got out of his chair and came and got down on one knee by my chair and took my hand. He interrupted my chatter and said something like "I love your ideas but what I want is for you to share your life with me for the rest of our lives. Will you marry me?" And he dropped a ring into my hand. I wish someone had been there with a camera because my mouth fell open and my eyes were as big as saucers! I said, "Oh My Gosh!" and threw my arms around his neck. He said, "Is that a yes?" "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Everyone wants to know why I was so surprised. We had been talking serious, yes, but I didn't have a clue a ring was to be my Christmas gift! Wow! So now, on October 2, 2010, I will become Mrs. Scott Gregory White or Mrs. Jaye Price-White....we'll see what I decide about that....

Wow, 2009, as the high school principal put it was: Epic for me!

I passed the Praxis II exam. Earned my Bachelor of Science degree. Became a grandmother to my precious Collier. Started working toward my Master's degree....and got engaged!!! Pretty Awesome year wouldn't you say?

My Scott, my prince is just amazing. I simply can't wait to see what all God has planned for us. Scott is the most wonderful, incredible gift from God and I am deliriously happy that he is in my life.

God, you are so incredibly good and creative. You took me to Colorado so I could find my Texas guy. What a hoot!

I think his truck is sexy... it really turns me on! (Old farm truck at the ranch)

Project: Delight Myself in the Lord - Day whatever : )

Wondering if I am still delighting? Yes, I am. I have been busy with Master's program - two classes and orientation down and about 22 classes to go; my "manfriend" (I think saying boyfriend is so..so..highschoolish), children's ministry (I am now children's minister at my church), and substitute teaching. Life is good.

Monday, we pretty much had a "mini" blizzard blow through. I was subbing and as I watched the constant, heavy snowfall, I worried I wouldn't be able to get my car out of the snow. Sure enough, although the snow wasn't too deep around my car as the snowplows had kept the road plowed, there was just enough incline that I could not get my car on the road. I had to have three 8th grade boys and the janitor give me a push. (that sort of reminds me of when I rode bumpers cars at Six flags or the amusement part - you know how the car stops in the middle of the floor and the attendant has to come and give you a push to go....yeah....) As I waited for them to come out and give me a push, I watched some high school kids in a little car struggle to drive up the street....five kids in this little economy car....three of them got out and pushed the car until it gained traction and could go....it was funny...I knew just how the driver felt.

I am not so good in the snow. The first two winters here I was with my friends Dan and Donna most of the time and went everywhere with them. They have the big Tahoe and big truck with 4-wheel drive plus we did everything together so I didn't get much practice driving in the snow. I missed the mother lode winter the year I was in Texas and then the next year was a rather weak winter so now... Welcome to reality Jaye. Thank goodness they plow my condo drive and clear the steps.

OK, for some winter-living attitude adjustments I have had since coming to live here:

1. High heeled dress boots look great in the store and catalog but are just plain stupid for here. I was determined to remain a "cupcake" and not to become a granola bar, leaving fashion for the city. I am still a "cupcake" but probably a less decorated one. There is nothing wrong with wearing practical, flat-heeled boots to travel to your destination and changing into more fashionable ones once you are inside.
2. When I first came here, I saw some women wearing these knee-high, fur-lined (the furr encircled the top of the boot, showing about an inch or so all the way around), lace-up boots. And I thought,"That is just over-kill on boots. That is just gaudy Colorado style." Well, uh, as soon as I can afford a pair of those boots, they will be residing in my closet. The first year I lived here, I found a pair of Ugg look alike boots at Target. Pink suede lined with lambs wool. I wear those quite often.
3. When I lived in Austin, I never wore a coat in winter. My motto was "I can stand anything for a few minutes." I never was prepared. I am still working on this one. I own two heavy coats and several jackets, two pairs of gloves and am working on a scarf collection. Now if I can just remember where I put the gloves and where I left my coat, I will be doing great. I am also becoming a fan of peacoats, coatdresses, and anything fashionable relating to "coats."
4. Has anyone watched "New in Town"? It is a movie about a city girl moving to Minnesota...yeah....and in one scene she gets stuck in the snow in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the clothes she is taking on a trip back to....Florida...and a bottle of wine. She runs her red, sexy nightie up her antennae for a distress flag and gets totally wasted on a bottle of wine as she sits in her car waiting for help. Well, I try to keep a blanket in the car and sensible shoes should I happen to be wearing stupid shoes on a day I should have worn better shoes. I do not have a bottle of wine but water is a good thing. Except I drank all of it on my way home at Thanksgiving. Neither do I have a sexy, red nightie to tie onto my antennae to use as a distress signal. Reckon my City Market shopping bags would work?
5. The lower-necked shirts currently in vogue are better served with a liner shirt underneath or given away to friends in Austin, or saved for a trip back to Austin.
6. Keep the gas tank filled. I went to a friends house to housesit without realizing my tank was so low. They live out on a ranch in Chromo - Chromo has one store on the side of the road and that is it. It is a convenience store/post office. I knew there was a gas pump there; however, I didn't know the gas pump was out of service. (where is the convenience in that one?) I was sweating just a bit as to whether I would make it back to town. Once at the ranch, I looked around for gas cans as I knew Jim had four wheelers and a tractor. I found a gas can and put enough gas in to hopefully make it back to town. (I did.) Or how about the time I didn't fill up the tank in Dan's truck I took to Albuquerque? I did not realize his gas tank gauge did not work and ended up driving on fumes across the deserted Apache reservation...ummmm...no cell service, out on the reservation...wearing stupid heels that had rubbed a blister on my feet....couldn't have walked four steps in those shoes....not a good thing....I am learning to take this preparedness thing seriously.
5. I have learned to build a fire in my fireplace and actually get it to burn nicely. I have also learned where you get kindling. The city girl in me arose when I innocently asked Scott, "Where do you get kindling?" He smiled and said, "You hand your son an ax and have him split wood." Oh.
6. I have learned shopping at Cabella's, The Bass Pro Shop, and REI is not a bad thing. Even if my daughter and youngest sister would raise their eyebrows.
7. Snowpants and waterproof pants with zip-off legs to create shorts are nice items to have living in your closet. Owning a pair of wader-boot things are handy as well. Keeps the legs of your pants dry when you are out snow-shoeing, cross-country skiing, etc.

8. One thing I haven't changed is the....hair thing. I do not wear beanies or hats on my hair. Hair squished around my face is just ...not cute or pretty. And makeup - makeup is a beautiful thing and is as necessary as brushing your teeth.

9. My car has "On-Star" capabilities. I am re-thinking my decision about not activitating it....what do you think?

So cupcake girl in the granola world is adapting to her environment; however, I will always be the "prissy" in the "practical" world.

If you read all of this - thanks for sticking around as I reflected on my life adjustments in Colorado.

Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord: Living Joyously in the Land of Unemployment

In my last post I ended with "I find that I am living in a place most people rarely get to inhabit. No - they get to inhabit - but don't enjoy it. Not Pagosa - the life of unemployment. I am sure many would say, "We'll let you take this one for the team, Jaye." ..... Let's talk about that...

Unemployment has been the absolute best thing in the world for me. Really. I am serious. I may say that I trust God but when the things that are most important to me and the things I rely upon are taken away from me - that is when the real truth comes out. Do I (we) really believe God is sufficient for EVERYTHING? Do I (we) really believe that He is going to come through for me (us)? Is He really going to provide for my (our) every need without my help...my job skills...my bank account? Let me tell you - when hard times come, this is when the rubber meets the road in my (our) faith walk, don't you think?

Unemployment and Project Delight is making me a much more disciplined person in a variety of ways. For instance, this morning, I made myself a budget. I know. I don't hardly have any money and most of what I do have is "faith-based." I laugh as a write that because I substitute teach...you know ...the whole "separation of church and state" thing....yeah right. Anyway, projecting in faith of what I think I will have, I made a budget. I even thought I would challenge myself further and budgeted a tithe. And wrote out the check which I will put in the offering plate on Sunday. Should have been doing it all along but I got....skeered... about trusting my Dad.

But here's the deal. I don't know what God has in store for my income. So far, the substitute teaching is averaging out very well. Listen to this: Last week, on Sunday night, I had one job on the calendar for the week. (I just live by the week.) Okay, so I was going to have an easy week. No worries. Gave me more time to work on Harvest Fest.

8:10 Wednesday, just settled in with coffee and bible and my phone rings. Ms. Gorman, freshman algebra teacher. She has a migraine and needs a sub. Could I come in. Sure!

Friday morning, 6:50 a.m. phone rings. I knew it was a sub call but I really needed to write a paper. Ignored phone. Felt guilty. Called back and took the job. You know if you don't take the jobs offered they might not call you back! There was my 3 day a week average! The words from Psalms 37..."Wait patiently. Trust in the Lord." ring so true. And I don't worry about what is or is not on the calendar! Nor do I worry about what happens after May 31st. Someday, I will have a job and it will be perfect and in God's perfect time.

I believe with all my heart, my Father, Daddy, has me in His blessed hands. Every need and sometimes my wants are met. I am not suffering in the least. My faith trust base is being strengthened - one more time. I know my family wonders sometimes why things are hard for me and why doesn't God let me catch a break and live easy but I am glad that He hasn't. I would miss so much of Him if that happened. I hope during this time I am becoming wiser. I know that I am the happiest I have ever been. I laugh all the time and I rarely get bent out of shape over things and if I do - it is short-lived. Why waste precious energy on .... stupid?

I don't know where this trail leads and I am content to walk along each day just taking in today. So, you guys out there, I will gladly take one for the team in unemployment. It's the best thing that's happened to me and honestly....I am sorry you missed it!

Ms. Jaye

Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord

Okay - just because you haven't heard from me doesn't mean I'm not still delighting! Life has picked up pace. Started school - UoP - and am off and running on the master's. It will be fun because I really like the subject matter!

Had to do jury duty two days this week and that really messed me up on my paper writing schedule so I was up very late last night beating a 12 midnight deadline. However, we won't mention the fact that I procrastinated the last two weeks to get it done will we?

I am still reading,"The Sacred Sorrow" but can't read any further until I finish the book of Job. I have challenged myself to read Job all the way through as I never have and Michael Card challenges us to do so at the close of the section on Job. I read 5 chapters a day and have 7 more to go.
(you can tell I don't read everyday)

Also have started reading "Prayer" by Philip Yancey - love his writing. It is so honest and real and takes you out of the church box. I have also read his books called "What's So Amazing About Grace?" "The Jesus I Never Knew" and "Disappointment with God."

AND I am reading "Tomboy Bride" a book, actually, a real journal of a woman who traveled to Colorado to be with her husband during the Gold Strikes and her life living in a mining camp.

And trying to stay up with my reading for my school...and sometimes work.

This delighting myself in the Lord has made me be more disciplined. Don't laugh as you are not seeing the discipline in the blog writing. Inconsquential, actually. I find myself focused on being delighted. Not sad and worrying about stuff. The project has affected my attitude and thinking. It has changed the way I view my time with God.

The other morning, I woke up before the alarm went off. I lay there trying to go back to sleep and I felt this huge desire to get up and visit with God. Not pray. visit. What is the difference? For me, it was quite different. I didn't want to go before God with my usual prayer routine. I just wanted to talk to him....like a friend. No formal wording or the way I usually pray. (Do you think God ever wants to say to us, "Just shut up and talk to me?") So I got up and sat on my bed and had this sensation that God was sitting right there with me, crosslegged, right in front of me and we talked. I told him how things were going and how happy I am and just stuff. And we laughed. That was because in the course of conversation, I said I wanted to be like Paul having a tentmaker's kind of job and then I thought of Paul's life and all he went through and I stopped talking and that's when God and I laughed. Because the LAST time I told God I wanted to be like somebody - as in Darlene Rose - this missionary prisoner of war in the 1940's - my life got turned upside down. SO, I remembered that and so did God ...and we laughed and I said to God. "Let's put some qualifiers around that one." The whole 'meet with God' experience was SO amazing.

I don't really know why the beach scene is a place God takes me to but He does. As we talked, and it was SO comfortable, my mind ventured off to walking on the beach. And it was God walking with me, holding my hand and hugging me close as we walked along the seashore. I didn't ask him for anything - other than being like Paul - uh - having a tentmaker job like Paul - we just talked and It was good!

I find that I am living in a place most people rarely get to inhabit. No - they get to inhabit - but don't enjoy it. Not Pagosa - the life of unemployment. I am sure many would say, "We'll let you take this one for the team, Jaye." .....

I will continue this line of thought later - I must go walk as I have missed my routine all week. Walking also is great think time for writing. My head is overflowing. So

with that

Good morning! I'm off!

On Being...Enough

I really hate going to the mailbox. It's not like it's very far to walk to it - the box is right there in front of the the condo. But I have NEVER enjoyed getting the mail. Most of the time it is only junk mail and bills.....uuuugggghhhh. And then you have to spend precious minutes going through all of it, deciding what to do with each piece, where to file it or what pile to put it in and then trashing the remaining junk. It probably wouldn't be so bad if I didn't wait days to get the mail and have "mail build up." Hey, why go to the mailbox everyday when you can spend half an hour going through the mail one day a month? Just kidding. How about once a week...And that is why I love on-line banking bill pay. OLBP makes my life easier and reduces "mail buildup" and saves me time. You know, if I knew I was getting happy mail like "I love you, cards", encouragement cards, winning lottery ticket notifications, and tax refund checks, etc, I am sure I would check the mail twice a day therefore changing my bad attitude about mail. Keep dreamin' sister!

Well anyway.....I have been expecting something really special to come in the mail but I had kind of forgotten about it.

I checked the mail Tuesday and upon opening the box, lying among the assortment of mail was a white, cardboard envelope. I knew what it was. I walked up the stairs to my condo, opened the door and laid all of the mail on the counter. I began going through all of it, saving the white envelope for last. A couple of bills from companies I have yet to put on bill pay....official transcript from Univ. of Phoenix...mmmm....3.41 GPA - pretty good - huh?...(Would have been higher but I took that trip to Stupid thinking I was going to get married a couple of years ago and failed to turn in a final paper....at least it was a very short trip...) Alco ad...now for the envelope. I ripped the tab away and pulled out a black, leather folder, opened it up and stared at my name.....Jaye L Price....and above it...University of Phoenix...I was staring at my official diploma from the University of Phoenix. And I burst into tears.

I did it. I really, really did it. After three years of staying up late at night finishing papers; scheduling my life around when I could be on the computer doing school; choosing what activities I could participate in and what I couldn't; passing college algebra on an on-line program no less, although I couldn't have done it without my friend Diana and her son Kevin - thanks Diana for letting me be 9 years old and cry through the whole lesson while we did algebra together - I will never forget it and will be eternally grateful to you for seeing me through that ordeal....and others; going to work at Alpine Components after staying up nearly all night to get an assignment done and spending almost as much hours at work as I was in one particular class, crying and telling Donna - "I can't do this!" - thanks Donna for saying "Yes you can. Take it one assignment at a time." The instructor was almost as impossible to deal with as the amount of work in that class....most creative I have ever been on an assignment...I will explain maybe another time....LOL...experiencing a very adventurous although grueling past summer...hostel life rocks!.....ya'll..... three years of hard work and I DID IT.

However, being the over-achiever I am, my educational goals have increased through time and process. When I started college in 2000 at Austin Community College, my goal was to get an associate in Early Childhood Education. After getting half way through the program I knew I would not be satisfied with an associates and started taking core curriculum classes toward obtaining a bachelors degree. After having the education program interrupted with life blips, in 2006 I entered the University of Phoenix to complete the bachelor program. Check that one off the list. Now, I must have the Master's. As of Tuesday, I am enrolled in the Master's of Education program for secondary education and I wonder, will this degree of education be enough for me? Will I one day be "Dr. Jaye"? Kind of scary huh?

As I bask in the achievement - do you know what it is like to be able to open the classifieds or go to company websites and apply for jobs that were previousy denied you because of a piece of paper? Knowing full well you could do the job but are denied the opportunity because of ...a piece of paper? -however, there is a cloud that mars my ray of sunshine. Although I can apply for the jobs, the market is so competitive. Lots of people are looking for jobs and they have the degree plus the years of experience and accolades that accompany those years of experience. Once again, I don't have enough. I don't quite make the grade even with a 3.41 or the piece of paper or the passion and determination. Even when I finish the masters program - I still may not have enough...When is it enough?

I have been plagued with this dilemma all of my life. I am not sure exactly when it started but I remember always having the thought, I have to be the best. I could never simply turn in an assignment. For example, I remember an assignment in fifth grade where we had to draw a spider and label it for a science assignment. Could I just simply do a pencil sketch, label it and turn it in? No. I had to have artist paper, pastel chalks, and a black marker to label my drawing. It had to be the best - stand out - look great. In junior high, I tried out for twirler in the band. Well, that was just a step up to what I really wanted - cheerleader. I didn't get it my eighth grade year so I spent the next year preparing for tryouts. Always in front of the mirror, doing jumps - checking my arms for being straight, thumbs in, crispness...smiling...perfection. I made cheerleader the next time I tried out. Our squad was always trying to think of how to do cheers, jumps, signs, and skits better than the other squads. I was president of student council and our community service project we participated in with March of Dimes had to be bigger and better than anyone had ever done. We bought a neonatal something or other for our local hospital.

As I have grown up and participated in various events and projects, I find I still can't just do projects and events. I am always thinking of how to make them be...over the top....the best. I want whatever I do to be....enough...And still sometimes, no matter how hard I have worked at something or how good something may look, I look at it critically and sometimes think... it isn't enough. This same "flaw" exists in my mom. She is an awesome artist. She painted this clock for me and the fruit on the front of it has a water drop that looks like you could reach up and flick it off it is so lifelike and yet, she doesn't think she is good enough. I want to shake her and make her believe she is good, definitely good enough....more than good enough, but she wouldn't believe me I am quite sure. Shaking me wouldn't make me believe I am enough either.

Although I was tiny in high school and voted most attractive, I still have never thought myself to be thin enough or pretty enough.....Enough...does it ever happen? Will I ever consider myself....enough?

I ponder this question and as always I am taken back to the spiritual. When am I.... enough? Fact is, spiritually, on my own, I will never be enough and thank God, I don't have to be enough. Do you realize what a work-based salvation experience would do to an over-achieving crazy like me?!!! I would be on over drive. And if I didn't drive people crazy before, I would certainly do it then. If it matters so much to me now to be "enough" in the secular world that really counts for nothing - can you imagine how I would be in my spiritual life that matters for eternity?????!!!!!! An absolutely SCAREY thought!

Thank God, my salvation does not rely upon my being enough. Thank God, I am not on a degree system or merit system that may or may not be enough. No matter how good or bad I am, Jesus is still enough to encompass me....my good, my bad, and my ugly, my overachieving personality, my OCDness...Jesus, YOU are enough.

I don't know if I will ever be cured of my earthly longing to be enough but I do know I was cured of being enough spiritually 40 years ago in a little country church in Enochs, Texas during a revival service when I gave my heart to Jesus.

Lord Jesus, thank you for that awesome spiritual moment of completeness...of "enoughness" when you entered my heart. In you, and you alone, I am enough.

Previously on Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord - Day 14 - Concrete formulas and faith

Okay - actually this is previously, previously day 14 since I posted twice in one day!

Math is not my best subject. I'm not really sure why - I mean - isn't it just learning facts and formulas and applying them to equations and working it out? Pretty cut and dried you know. But I just find math very tedious and unless I am in it every day - I forget all those formulas. However, the one thing you can count on in math is that regardless whenever you return to it, the rules are still the same. 1 + 1 = 2. Everytime. No variations. No matter how you write it - up and down, across, switch the numbers - it is still two and always will be....

I am glad concrete mathematical concepts exist - even if I don't always understand them. I know those concepts bring order and keep things from being chaotic in a chaotic world. Concrete concepts create boundaries and make us feel safe. However a problem arises when we try to attach concreteness to God. Don't get me wrong - there are very concrete aspects of God and THAT makes me feel safe but sometimes concreteness doesn't work with God. How so?

Job's friends wanted to attach concrete mathematical concepts to Job.
Job's righteousness + God's love = God's blessings. But Job was righteous. God said so. Ok, so Job's sin + God's wrath = Job's punishment. But Job's slate was clean. Ok, so Job's sinful deeds + God's anger = Really bad consequences and hardship for Job. But Job had not committed sinful deeds. The equation isn't working. Shouldn't Job's blamelessness = God's blessings? Why was Job's life falling apart in spite of his righteousness before God? Why do bad things happen to good people who are trying to follow God and do what is right? Why does it seem the harder we work and try to be "good", the harder life gets? Because it is not about the blessings. It is about the relationship.

There was a time in my life when I raged before the Lord over my life falling apart - "God, I have gone to seminars, read books, done bible studies, listened to radio broadcasts, taught my children about you, served you in the church all these years and LOOK HOW YOU REPAY ME!!!" My marriage was eroding, my sons were rebelling - why? WHY? I screamed before God. "God, you aren't doing your part of the bargain." What bargain? Where in the bible does it say we will lead a blessed life if we follow the "rules"? God promises to never leave or forsake us; to bear the burden; walk with us in the valley of the shadow of death; to protect us; and the list goes on. But we are not promised a carefree, problem free life. In fact, it is almost a guarantee the life of the believer is going to be full of strife. As believers, we are walking in a world not meant for us. We walk against the tide - the flow of life, thus war erupts within our world. So why do it? Why walk intentionally in the warzone? Because of the relationship with God.

I thought I knew God before my life was interrupted with "relationship wars." If the war in my life had not broken out, I would have continued in my misguided concrete thinking that if you follow God's rules, life is good. I never would have had the opportunity to experience the goodness of God through some of the most horrendous moments of my life and come out knowing and believing: God is good. ALL the time, God is good. Even in the horrendous.

When God allowed Satan to test Job, God knew Job's heart and that Job did not love him (God) for the blessings, God knew Job loved him (God) for Who he is and would remain faithful through all of the trials in his (Job's) life.

I am not even a tiniest fraction close to the person Job was and I have certainly done my share of screaming, raging, complaining, griping, pitying myself, and rebelling at times BUT in spite of my temperfits and because of God's omniscient knowledge, he knew my heart and knew I would hold onto my faith through it all. It's been sketchy at times but never have I walked away and thrown in the towel.

You know my little project "Delight Yourself in the Lord" has and continues to be a great avenue of keeping me centered and focused on my walk with God. Each day is good because I have no concrete expectations other than to rest in the Lord and wait upon him and not stress. Interesting things have happened...

1) I am relaxed and happy.
2) I am not fighting against God. If the direction I have felt is led by God (substitute teaching), then He is going to provide the way. I am resting in that knowledge.
3) The best thing has been surprises and delights from the Lord. For instance, his very surprising provision this week. I have no clue if anyone reads this blog or not. If they do then they have an inkling of my circumstances. Regardless, someone felt the nudging of God to help me financially and deposited $500 in my account. I have no clue who it is. But what I do know is that it is a gift from God via someone whose heart was nudged. The money is great but the best part of the whole thing is knowing God ordained it. He knows and sees and hears my physical need and my heart need.
4) My substitute teaching calendar. I have consistently worked three to four days each week. Next week, I have two assignments and the assignments then thin out. I wait expectantly for God's appointments. Whatever it is will be perfect.
5) I don't think God intends for the government to be my "bail-out." I asked for help from them and received $60. I didn't ask for help from the Lord and received $500 anonymously. Think I'll stick with the Lord and forget SS. Much better deal.

What I know: 1 + 1 is always 2 and my obedience does not necessarily equal blessings, i.e. a happy life. However, God's love, care and concern, kindheartedness, and devotion to his child (that would be me) always equals his protection and provision.

Thanks God for being concrete in your character.

Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord...Day ?..again!

I know I have already written once today but this is too hysterical to not share....

I make too much money. I'll continue when you pick yourself up off the floor and stop laughing. Okay, this is just brutal honesty here - not a plea for help, etc...just letting you know how our wonderful government works.

About a month ago I decided to cry uncle and go apply for food assistance aka food stamps during the recession in my life. Talk about swallow your pride. Man has my ego and pride taken a few dives. Okay, so I dredge up the courage to go to Social Services and apply. Well, I decided if I must go, I might as well try to look like something. No use trying to look like the dregs of the earth. Never being one to abandon class, I dressed like I was going to work in a Dallas office and walked into Social Services. (Actually, I was also dropping off substitute teacher resumes at the schools thus the true reason for dressing nicely.) Sauntering up to the counter I told the lady I would like to apply for food assistance. What I really wanted to say - in my best southern accent was, "I am havin' a really hard time maintainin' my style of livin' and surely would like some he-ulp." (gotta get the drawl in there) but I didn't think they would appreciate the humor so I didn't do it.

They give you a packet of papers to fill out at home and bring back - along with your bank statement, proof you pay rent, mortgage, electricity bill, car payment, etc. ...and there are also about 5 extra pages provided for you to list all 50 'leven dependents you might have. No, no, it's just me. There is a question also asking if you have insurance...no. I have lived longer without insurance than with it. Anyway, I checked the box saying I would like some. Well, the 50 'leven kids would be eligible but not the poor, white, single, struggling, "mature", college student!!! Never hurts to ask. LOL.

I brought the papers back to my next appointment and answered all kinds of questions from the social service lady. One of the things that showed up on my bank statement was a deposit I made from an anonymous person for $400. My other deposit was my 1st check in the amount of $258 from the children's ministry job I have. (I get another on the 15th of the month - a total of $516 a month.) That's it folks. That is my income for the month of September.

They want to know if you are looking for a job. Yes, I am substitute teaching. How much does it pay? $85 for a full day but varies according to the assignment...is it a teacher job or paraprofessional job? Is it a half-day or full-day? Secretarial? bus driver? cafeteria worker? I told the lady I don't know what the income will be because I don't know how many assignments I will get and I won't even get a check until the 25th of October. So, basically, all she has for guaranteed income is the church check - and potential income with teaching.

But the gift deposit threw her. I explained carefully that the money was a one time gift from an anonymous person and could not be counted as "income." (They did anyway.)

Okay, so, as I am leaving they give me a debit looking card that will be loaded with money (I use that term loosely) for food once the forms are processed. It took two days for that to happen. I had to "prove" my income from the church. How do you do that? I do children's ministry....Soc. Serv. has a copy of my paycheck stub...that is all the church has for my employment...how else do I prove I work there? I guess they finally took it.

I called the number on the card to find out if it was activated. Yeah, for $60. Hmmm, well, I guess if I go on a Ramen noodle diet with a few things tossed in, I should be able to make the food budget last. I couldn't believe it. All that paperwork for 60 bucks not too mention the humiliation? I called the lady. I was totally embarrassed to ask but I did. I asked her, "Is this all you get for the month or is it pro-rated since this is the midde of the month?" I am totally feeling like an ungrateful pig for even asking. She tells me it is pro-rated for the month. Hmmm.....so does that mean it will be $120 next month? Wishful thinking.

Here's the funny part - I get a letter from the State of Colorado telling me I have been approved for emergency assistance (Less than $100 in the bank and half the month left must indicate an emergency) but I had been denied for October because my income was above the qualifying level!!! Are ya kiddin' me? I called the Social Service lady up and flat out asked her, "Well, how poor do ya have to be to qualify?" Man, $516 income is hardly up there with quality living! Is it because I own a house and a new car? Dan's little slogan is starting to get a little close to home - you can live in your car but you can't drive your house. I told the lady you cannot base my income on substitute teaching. You don't know how much I am going to make and neither do I! It depends on how many sub jobs you get! But they are gauging my income on the potential - not the reality. this is unbelieveable!

Ask me if I want the government to provide me with healthcare...are you absolutely out of your ever lovin', pea-pickin' mind????? Not on your LIFE!

Stay tuned - I'll let you know how this goes...

LOLROTF (laughing out loud, rolling on the floor)

Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord - Day ? -

My daughter produced the first grandchild in our family recently. Little Collier, of course, is absolutely beautiful but much to my daughter's consternation, the bebe' is having these fussy moments. Word on the baby street is that it is not good to let babies cry or fuss it out, so my daughter is looking for the solution to Collier's fussy moments so that he does not cry.

I think back on early mommy days and preschool days and the issue of crying. I, too, sought answers for crying babies and children. Kade had colic caused by a spastic reflux muscle in which he threw up everything he ate (seriously, projectile vomiting) and cried everyday the first three months of his life. I kid you not, every picture we have of him the first three months, he is crying. Nothing, absolutely nothing, helped to calm him. The only respite we received was that he slept from 9 at night to 9 in the morning. Then he cried from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. I tried everything anyone told me that might help the colic to no avail. So...he got to cry. Finally, at the end of his third month, his spastic muscle repaired itself and he was able to eat, keep it down, and smile. Happy days!

One of the earliest "tricks" you learn as a parent or teacher for toddler and preschool age children is how to avert crying. The child falls down and they look at you and gauge their response according to yours. If you race to them and are all "oh honey, did you hurt yourself?" and you get all emotional about it - so will they. However, a lot of times, if you matter of factly, walk over to them, pick them up and say "what a big boy or girl you are! You didn't even cry...." They don't. They dust themselves off and toddle or run off to play. Therefore, crying is averted.

Averting crying does not stop with the little ones. Our most basic instinct, I think, is to stop the hurting...to make it all better..."let mommy kiss it and make it better..." I know I am a fixer; my mom is a fixer; many of my friends are fixers. We want to stop the tears because tears are evidence of pain. If we can stop the tears, we can avert the pain. For the moment.

If you read through my blogs this past year, you will see I have shed some tears of anguish, pain, confusion, doubt, happiness - a myriad of emotions. You have read it through my blog but my friends and family have seen the tears and anguish and have tried to make it better each in their own special way. But sometimes, I just need to cry...to express my emotions... you know..."it's my party and I'll cry if I want to..." kind of thing. Scott, my guyfriend, said it best. "Jaye, I can't make it better for you - I wish I could. Sometimes we just need to cry, get the tears out, go to bed and face a new day." He is right. Sometimes, we just need a good ole Jewish cry fest - you know where you and your friends throw ashes on your faces, rip your clothes and all of you wail and cry together. Nobody needs to fix anything, just cry - lament with me. Take a moment to get a mental picture of that - kind of makes you laugh, huh? Next time I'm having one of those days, I having a "Wailing Party!" Seriously, I am going to do that.

Lamenting. Even though I do a pretty good job of getting my emotions out there, there is a part of me that feels guilty when I do. I mean, I am supposed to be this strong woman of faith in which "with God, nothing is impossible" according to my phone message and have made Jeremiah 29:11 my life mantra...so, if I lament to you about my situation, doesn't that decrease my faith walk with God? Not according to Michael Card, author of A SACRED SORROW. Michael has reminded me of all the biblical saints and disciples that have lamented before the Lord....David (the Psalms are full of lamenting)...Jeremiah...Job...Jesus. Michael reminded me also of the words of lament spoken..."where are you, God?"..."why are you hiding your face against me?" "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go eat worms..." OK that is not in the bible...LOL...but I am sure that is only a revised version on someone's lament - Jonah I'm thinking and I think I have spoken those words as well. So, if these great men of God and our Lord Jesus himself have spoken words of lament, has that lessened their faith in God or made Jesus less than he is? Not in the least.

Actually, lamenting our prayers of complaint can still be prayers of faith. How so? Because if I am griping, complaining, throwing my temper fits before the Lord, I am expressing the thought that there IS a God out there that hears me and "represents my last refusal to let go of the God who may seem to be absent - or worse - uncaring. Lamenting expresses one of the most intimate moments of faith - not a denial of it. It is supreme honesty before a God whom my faith tells me I can trust. God encourages me to bring everything as an act of worship, my disappointment, frustration, and even my anger. Lamenting uncovers a new kind of biblical faith that better understands God's heart as it is revealed through Jesus Christ." (Card, 2005)

So, I will continue my litanies of every emotion - hurt, anger, disappointment, jubilation, sadness, confusion...because...well, although YOU may get sick of hearing all my stuff, I think honesty before the Lord is truly a delight unto Him. Don't you think?

Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord - Day 6 "Happy Mojo"

Okay, I skipped a couple of days....ummm...delighting myself in the Lord. Saturday, my guyfriend and I went on a "color" drive through southwest Colorado. We left early that morning and drove to Durango, Silverton, Ouray and then Telluride and then looped back home. I had heard a lot about Telluride but never been there...WOW - it was beautiful. A great place to visit but extremely expensive to live there. We took the gondola to the top of the mountain - went over Oprah's house, viewed Tom Cruise's airport investment, and had Nicholas Cage's mansion pointed out to us or at least the general direction.

So, how have I delighted myself in the Lord recently. Just resting in the Lord and not worrying about anything. Taking things one day at a time. Interestingly enough, I am averaging about 3-4 sub jobs a week. I have heard varying reports but I have been told that the number of jobs I am getting is phenomenal - and then today - as I turned down a sub job since I was already booked - the teacher told me subs were hard to find. So. I don't know how it really is but I feel like it is totally the Lord's blessings I am getting so many jobs. And I am enjoying having a varied schedule.

My other little "delight" is my new business - "this girl needs a party." It is a party and event planning business and I have come up with these little cupcake bouquets I do that are just Adorable!!! Even if I say so myself. My ad goes in the paper this week so we will see what happens.

I love this little business. My creative mojo just gets going and I absolutely have fun designing the bouquets. The creativity totally comes from the Lord and it wears me out sometimes. My mind gets going and I can't keep up with all of the ideas and plans I come up with. Results of being a victim of experiencing "happy mojo." LOL

Well, must go to bed so that I don't MISS MY ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW FOR MS. BECKY!!!

Delighting myself faithfully.

Project: Delight Yourself in the Lord Day 3

Well, I almost missed posting today. Let me give a recap of this morning...

I had just settled myself down this morning with coffee, bible, and notebook when my phone rang. It was my friend Faith. "Hello?" "Where are you?" Faith demanded to know. "At my house." I replied in a tone that implied where else would I be at 8:20 in the morning? She says, "You are SUPPOSED to be here." OMGosh! Tone has now changed to horror. "What?" "Yeah, Becky has you scheduled to sub for her today." "Well, it's not on my calendar!" Holy smokes. My nightmare situation is occurring. I have forgotten a sub job. "I will be there in 45 minutes tops!" I hear Faith laughing as I hang up the phone. Forget delighting the Lord this morning! I am in turbo mode getting ready to be in a classroom I should have been in 20 minutes ago. Possibly, the Lord's delight for the day is this little episode in my life and He is very likely having a little laugh Himself. So glad I can provide comic relief for friends, family and God. Once I was actually in the classroom and settled in, I did find the situation rather humorous and laughed at myself. I am such a noo noo head. LOL

I had a moment to visit with a teacher friend and she made the comment, "Don't you think by delighting yourself in the Lord, God changes your heart and changes your desires?" I absolutely think that. When my desire is to delight God, I am not thinking about what I want so much. I am just letting things go and not making my demands to the Lord. Just like with prayer. Prayer is not about having a genie God to do my bidding. Prayer is about conversing with a friend... a special friend that has all the answers whether He chooses to reveal them at that moment or not. So another rather uneventful day in the project has passed but it was still a beautiful, well-spent day.

oh! another signature item about Ms. Jaye:

Perfume: Clinique - Happy Heart or Happy. Aren't those great names? Actually, my preschool was named "Happy Heart" and I came up with the name before I EVER heard of the perfume! Alfred Sung is my other perfume. The day I subbed for the freshmen algebra class, they walked in and said, "It smells like Ms. Jaye. It smells just like last year's class. Overpowering!" Oops. Oh well. At least it is overpowering in a good way - I think - As I reflect on being overpowering, I know that is also a signature feature of my personality - for better or worse. I know I can be a powerhouse and I am learning to curb it...kind of...

Still delighting...

Project: Delighting myself in the Lord Day 2

Nothing really of significance happened yesterday but it isn't always the big things that are so major. I just looked up the word "delight" and the official definition for delight is "find great pleasure or enjoyment of something." The opposite definition is "to be in distress." So - children give me great pleasure and enjoyment. I spent yesterday with K-4th graders helping with reading skills. One little girl and boy drew me pictures - their version of a thank you/I love you to the substitute teacher. Ahhh - refrigerator art - I miss that.

Reflecting on these children's art - isn't it amazing that you can spend 45 minutes with a child and they think they love you? I didn't do anything special for either of these children, like play favorites or anything, I was just there. At the end of the class, they hand me pictures and notes saying "I love you - you are so nice to me." Kind of makes you tremble in awe with the power you hold in your hand, your voice, your demeanor at touching a child's heart. Ok - that was my delight but what about delighting the Lord?

I think - no, I am pretty sure, positive that God delights in absolute trust in who He says He is. Every time Satan put a negative thought in my head about job possibilities, I just pushed it aside and repeated: "Delight yourself in the Lord." No need to worry about tomorrow, or next week, or what people think or don't think... work with today...go with the moment...and be who God created me to be and who He created me to be right now in the moment. Trust in the God who says, "Trust me, fear not...I have you in my hand and I WILL NOT leave you nor forsake you..." (Jaye's condensed version.) Do you know how awesome the feeling is to just let go and live for the day??? Incredible!

So, I can choose to find enjoyment and great pleasure in the day or I can settle in for distress and discontentment." Ummm....choosing great pleasure so here I am on the morning of day 2 and anticipating the day's events...

Ms. Jaye

Project: Delight Yourself In The Lord

I absolutely love Hobby Lobby (craft store). I mean, I can walk in the store and just feel ....happy! Everything in the store just spells cute...creative...beauty ( most of it) ....and of course there is sure to be "tacky" stuck in there somewhere but overall it is a store supplied with materials to enable the creative genius to do their thing. Anyway, on a recent visit, as I walked through the store, I realized, "I have lost my fun." How do you lose your fun?

First off, you get so intense and focused on something that you lose sight of everything else. When things aren't turning out the way you want them to, you get angry and depressed and cynical and lethargic - or at least that is what has happened to me - and a really stinky attitude settles in. So, without realizing it, I have been in this really long temper tantrum with the Lord because I didn't get my way. Even though I have said the Lord has something else for me other than teaching full-time this year, I didn't really believe it and I have just been plain mad about it. Then my friend made a comment to me that has changed everything. He said, "Jaye, you have been through a lot. Why don't you just enjoy this time you have substitute teaching and enjoy being off on the days you don't have an assignment..." hmmm... novel idea....enjoy my time off... first remark was "you haven't seen my bank account." No, but God has and does.

So, after seeing the movie, Julie/Julia, I have been inspired to do my own project. The Lord has been whispering in my ear one of my long favorite verses: "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your hear." Psalm 37:4. Everyday, from now until May 31st, I am going to delight myself in the Lord; put my "happy" on; and focus on delighting the Lord. Each day, I will share what has happened.

As of this day, I am letting go of the past disappointments of not getting a job. I have no expectations of getting a job this next year with the district. I am leaving that situation to the Lord. I have no agenda other than to start and finish my masters and see what happens. Feel free to remind me of this at any point should I get off track!

Happy facts about Ms. Jaye:

Current job: substitute teaching and children's minister at my church

Signature colors: Red - passion, energy, power, danger, purity, joy, happiness, celebration and prosperity. YELLOW - cheerful, hopeful, joy and courage - mixed with red - excitement. BLACK - mystery, sophistication, elegance, class, depth, encourages the imagination of a different world from that of daylight realities. (each color does have a negative side but let's just focus on happy!)

Relationships: Daughter of a king; earthly daughter to two wonderful parents; sister of two beautiful sisters; mother of three beautiful children; grandmother to one beautiful little boy; special relationship to one incredible man; owner of a multitude of friends that she can't engage with as much as she would like.

I invite you to share this journey with me. And now, I must get ready for this first day of delighting myself in the Lord...

Delighting...

Ms. Jaye

Prayer - does it really matter?

I bet you saw the title and thought, "She's on a downer." No really I'm not. I have had this question posed to me a couple of times in the last couple of months...and I am at a place where I can really think about it...again. Why pray?

I contemplated this question shortly after Kade's death. I mean - if God is sovereign and He knows what He's going to do and things are going to happen according to God's plan, does it really matter if I pray? or...can God's mind be changed with prayer? or...we pray and the harder we pray the worse things get? What's up with that one?

I think the bottom line answer to the question is prayer isn't about us. Prayer isn't about getting our way or getting God to be our own personal genie. Prayer is about relationship. When I pray, I am talking to God, my Father, my Friend, my Savior, my Comforter, my Deliverer, my Provider,...my everything.

I was thinking about this question the other day and the comparison came to mind of parent/child relationship. My mother and I are very close. Growing up, I could talk to her about anything. I spent a lot of time with my mom talking in the car or just around the house and when I married and moved off I still called her a lot...about anything and everything. The thing about my mom is that if she could fix a problem for me, she would - come hell or high water - if it was in her power to help me, she did. Or if she felt I needed something she got it. If she found something she knew I would like, she bought it. If she couldn't fix it for me - like my broken heart - she was there to hold me and comfort me and tell me she loved me. I saw her love for me in her eyes and actions. And her prayers - I was on every prayer list she could get me on because in her weakness and powerlessness she knew the One who could help me. My mother loves me with everything that is inside of her and I am pretty sure she would give her life for me. My mom and I are close because we have shared our hearts with one another.

Prayer is communication with the God that loves me so much He died for me. Everything my mom feels for me and does for me is minute compared to what God can do and does for me. Spending time with God in prayer develops a relationship that cannot be created any other way other than by time being spent with him. In the movie, "Elf", Buddy quickly discovers the "false" Santa. He knew the real "Santa" because he had lived with Santa, worked for Santa, and talked with Santa. Buddy tells the fake Santa, "You don't smell like him." You don't know how someone smells unless you have been next to them. That is what prayer does for you. It puts you next to God so you can smell him. It doesn't matter whether you get what you want or whether you get the relief you seek- what matters is that you know the One in control and you know Him well enough to trust him with your life. And you may not understand. But you know the One who does get it and has it all under control.

So - what do you think? Why pray?

The Climb...continued

From yesterday...(this is my last email post as I will be using my blog-spot ...)

What a climb...my climb. As I think about the different climbs I have made in the last few years, I realized I have had this unconscious idea of "The End and she lived happily ever after." If I could just get the degree, I will "live happily ever after...." If I could just get a nice-paying job...If I could just be settled and not flitting from one place to the next....one venture to the next....

If....one of the biggest words in our vocabulary... (I still laugh at this saying my mom used to tell us when we used the word "if" - "Yeah, and IF frogs had tails they wouldn't bump their butts when they jumped either." We would kind of look at her like....huh?)

Miley Cyrus' theme song from the movie "Hannah Montana, The Movie" is called "The Climb." The words are exactly where I have been, where I am, and where I am going in life. Here are the words but I am going to break it down to what "The Climb" means to me...

THE CLIMB LYRICS by MILEY CYRUS:

http://www.lyricsyoulove.com/m/miley_cyrus/climb/

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming ( currently the degree...) but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it, (No the voice is saying "you still can't get a job")
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction (I'm not lost just confused and impatient over God's Plan)
My faith is shaking but I (My faith in God is steadfast and strong underneath but there are moments when I just flat don't understand..)
Got to keep trying (Hope....that is why I can't join Chris down at townpark and just give up)
Got to keep my head held high ( don't understand the plan but I am planting my feet firm on Jesus Christ and pushing forward walking and standing on faith)

There's always going to be another mountain (I am already planning on entering the master's program with Univ. of Phoen. in September)
I'm always going to want to make it move (There is always something else to accomplish - like that book mulling around in my head and heart)
Always going to be an uphill battle, (that is part of life)
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose, (took a HUGE gamble this summer on a job and lost)
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's The Climb (think of all the adventures, lessons learned and places I have been - spiritually and physically! Can't say my life is boring!)

The struggles I'm facing, (seeking the career)
The chances I'm taking (living on faith - literally)
Sometimes they knock me down but (started wearing a butt-pad)
No I'm not breaking (I will NOT give in to despair or self-pity - I am Jaye Price, daughter of a King, hear me roar!)
I mean I know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah (It's not the good times we remember the most - it's the hard ones and the lessons we learn. How many times did we hear our parents say, "When I was going to school we had to walk 10 miles in the snow - barefoot - to get there!" They don't remember all the times they had shoes and got to school in a bus or warm truck or car....)
Just got to keep going (I will wake up everyday and say, "This is the day the LORD has made - I will rejoice and be glad in it! and think of something fun and productive...or maybe just fun...to do today)
And I,
I got to be strong (that label has been applied to me many times but I am only strong because in my weakness GOD becomes strong....."Jesus loves me this I know.....I am weak but He is strong")
Just keep pushing on, ( I refuse to sit down and throw my hands up and say, "I am done. This is too hard.)

Keep on moving (Walk tough)
Keep climbing (It's worth the climb)
Keep the faith baby (No worries there)
It's all about
It's all about
The climb

Keep the faith
Keep your faith


The thing about the climb is this....there is always another one. The realization I have come to is this: THERE ISN'T A 'THE END.....AND SHE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER'..... until I close my eyes in the final sleep and wake up staring at my Jesus.

But meanwhile back at the ranch or rather at the Barbie Condo, Ms. Jaye will try to fulfill the words of her favorite quote:

"Life is not meant to be a gentle journey to the grave arriving in pristine condition, but rather a wild roller coaster of a trip, sliding in sideways, a mocha in one hand and a bar of chocolate in the other, completely used up and screaming whoooeeee! What a ride!" (or climb)

The Climb

Just so you know I don't have altzheimers...I realize I wrote about this in my blog last year but it has new meaning this year...so hang with me...there is a point...

Last year I hiked Pagosa Peak for the first time. Let me try to get your head wrapped around what that was like. First, Pagosa's elevation is about 6,000 ft. Pagosa Peak is 12,556 ft. in elevation. You drive to the trail head which can be an adventure in itself - 10 miles per hour over the bumpiest "road"- I use that term loosely - to get there. Then it is about a 1.3 mile hike up the mountain to the peak. Just a mile....yeah right ....1.3 miles on a pretty steady incline.

There is a trail to lead the way but there can also be fallen trees on the path and you must decide whether you can hike your leg over or maybe it would be best to climb under it. You walk a few minutes and stop to get your breathe and take a peak at the beautiful scenery around you -- in case you have been so busy watching where you walk and figuring out how to walk and breathe, you forgot about the scenery. And you are huffing and puffing as the air gets thinner and thinner. But when you stop for that quick rest and look around, you take a moment to take in the beauty of the place and gasp at the beauty surrounding you. And then you keep walking.

Finally you are above treeline and in this meadowlike area. You can look down in the valleys before you and see how high you have climbed....so far....and you ask the person wearing the GPS...how much farther? how high ARE we? She says, "We have 1,000 feet to go" woohoo. really. that far... huh. you look up and it is right there....really?....1,000 feet more? You take a deep breath and keep going. You look at your watch and see you have been hiking for about 2 plus hours.

Then you find yourself really above the trees...and it is rocky...and you wonder...where's the trail? Oh is it that tiny little trail you thought was for the mountain goats? Yep, that would be it. Now there are no trees around you. Just a climb following a trail truly meant for mountain goats....you have become the mountain goat. All of a sudden you are on top of the peak...wow!...uh...don't get too excited because it's just the peak before THE PEAK.

You look up and there it is - a beautiful, majestic peak but...it looks so high...and rocky...and a little scary...can I make it? That trail is getting more rocky and is it skinnier?...I can do this you say. And you keep climbing.

All of a sudden - you are there! It is the most amazing sight ever! You are actually standing on top of a 12,556 ft. peak. You are even with the clouds! If that cloud on the left there was any closer, you could touch it! You can turn 360 degrees and see the tiny speck of Pagosa, and Navajo Lake and rivers and green valleys and smaller mountains -
YOU MADE IT!

We were fortunate enough to hike on a day when it was almost cloudless and we didn't have to worry about an electrical storm coming up. The hiking rule for Pagosa Peak is to be off the top of the mountain by 12 pm because if the rain comes, you are above treeline and a target for lightning. After all the photo ops were done, we sat down and ate lunch.

3 hours after the starting at the trail head, we were there and having lunch.

What goes up must come down. After about 30 minutes up at THE PEAK, we started back down. Going up the mountain you are huffing and puffing and resting every few minutes. Going down the mountain, you stop every few minutes to give your knees and toes a rest. Balancing your weight and using good hiking posture helps the back but puts pressure on the knees. Because you are going down at a nice little decline, your toes hit the ends of your shoes and puts lots of pressure on them as well. It doesn't take as long to get down but it is still a difficult trek down. The euphoria from the top helps because you have just been to the most incredible place.

An hour and a half later, my group was sitting on the tailgate of the truck... after taking turns finding a bathroom bush!...we were exhausted.

This trek is an all day thing. Meet at the church parking lot at 7:45 a.m.; drive to the trail head....about an hour....9:00 hit the trail....12:00 at the Peak....2:00 back at the trailhead...wait for everyone else to get down...load up...back at the church around 5ish.
What a climb. WHAT A CLIMB!!!!

What a climb...my climb. As I think about the different climbs I have made in the last few years, I realized I have had this unconscious idea of "The End and she lived happily ever after." If I could just get the degree, I will "live happily ever after...." If I could just get....

to be continued....have to study more for the biology test....hold the thought.